A Cowboy sitting in a saloon one Saturday night, he recognized an elderly man standing at the bar who, in his day, had the reputation of being the fastest gun in the West: The young cowboy took a place next to the old-timer, bought him a drink and told him the story of his great ambition. "Do you think you could give me some tips?" He asked. The old man looked him up and down and said. "Well, for one thing, you’re wearing your gun too high. Tie the holster a little lower down on your leg.’" "Will that make me a better gunfighter?" Asked the young man. "Sure will." Replied the old-timer. The young man did as he was told, stood up, whipped out his 44 and shot the bow tie off the piano player. "That’s terrific." Said the hot shot.. "Got any more tips for me?" "Yep." Said the old man. "Cut a notch out of your holster where the hammer hits it. That’ll give you a smoother draw." "Will that make me a better gunfighter?" Asked the young man. "You bet it will." Said the old-timer. The young man took out his knife, cut the notch, stood up, drew his gun in a blur, and then shot a cufflink off the piano player. "Wow!" Exclaimed the cowboy. "I’m learnin’ somethin’ here. Got any more tips?" yep file the fore sight and rear sight, it will leave you're holster a lot quicker young guy did this then drew his gun and shot the piano players cigar from his mouth wow said the young guy any more tips old timer The old man pointed to a large can in a corner. "See that axle grease over there? Coat your gun with it. The young man went over to the can and smeared some of the grease on the barrel of his gun. "No." Said the old-timer. "I mean smear it all over the gun, handle and all." "Will that make me a better gunfighter?" Asked the young man. "No." Said the old-timer. "But when Wyatt Earp gets done playing the piano, he’s gonna shove that gun up your ass and it won’t hurt near as much!"
The mother-in-law arrives home from the shops to find her son-in-law Paddy in a steaming rage and hurriedly packing his suitcase. "What happened Paddy?" she asks anxiously. “What happened?? I'll tell you what happened! I sent an e-mail to my wife telling her I was coming home today from my fishing trip. I get home ... and guess what I found? Yes, your daughter, my wife Jean, naked with Joe Murphy in our marital bed! This is unforgivable, the end of our marriage. I'm done. I'm leaving forever!" “Ah now, calm down, calm down Paddy!" says his mother-in-law. "There is something very odd going on here. Jean would never do such a thing! There must be a simple explanation. I'll go speak to her immediately and find out what happened." Moments later, the mother-in-law comes back with a big smile. “Paddy. I told you there must be a simple explanation ... she never got your e-mail!"
A seven year old boy was at the centre of a courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling about who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with the child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to whatever degree possible. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life with them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Scotland Football team, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone. DISCLAIMER: No children were hurt in the making of this joke. This story is fictional. Any similarities to anyone living or dead is purely coincidental. If this offends you in some way, go and get some therapy & grow a sense of humour & I also suggest that you never watch another movie ever again!
