Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite .....

Discussion in 'Sunderland' started by Smug in Boots, Jan 19, 2015.

  1. Montysoptician

    Montysoptician Well-Known Member

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  2. Montysoptician

    Montysoptician Well-Known Member

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    #8922
  3. Nig

    Nig Well-Known Member

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  4. Nig

    Nig Well-Known Member

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    That reminds me of one of the lads from the local back in my youth. He was a bin man and tapping a girl up one Saturday night, embarrassed about his job he told her he had some other exotic employment.
    Emptying the bins a week or so later, whilst putting a bin back, said girl was standing at the doorstep and shouts "on community service are ya" ?
    :D
     
    #8924
  5. Gil T Azell

    Gil T Azell Well-Known Member

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    I was reading a magazine in the dentist waiting room and I was surprised to find out that Ford have stopped production of the Cortina and are launching the Sierra.
     
    #8925
  6. Gil T Azell

    Gil T Azell Well-Known Member

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    Lionel Richie wrote "Endless Love" about Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles playing tennis!
     
    #8926
  7. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    A woman chose to remain overnight in a hotel as a treat for her significant birthday.
    The following morning, she was appalled when the desk clerk gave her a bill for £250.00. She requested to know why the charge was so high.
    "It's a nice hotel, but the rooms certainly aren't worth £250.00 for just an overnight stay! I didn't even have breakfast," she told the clerk.
    The clerk clarified that £250.00 is the standard rate. At that point, the woman insisted on talking with the manager.
    The manager showed up and explained that the hotel "has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center which are available for use."
    "But I didn't use them," the woman said.
    "Well, they are here, and you could have," he replied.
    The manager proceeded with that she could likewise have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which the hotel is famous.
    "We have the best entertainers from the world over performing here," he said.
    "But I didn't go to any of those shows," she said.
    The manager replied, "Well, we have them, and you could have."
    Regardless of what facility he recommended, the woman would just answer, "But I didn't use it!"
    The manager then countered with his standard reaction. After several minutes of contending with him, she chose to pay.
    The manager was shocked when she gave the cheque to him. "But madam, this check is for only £50.00," he said.
    "That is right. I charged you £200.00 for sleeping with me," the woman replied.
    "But I didn't!" the manager shouted.
    "Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have."
     
    #8927
  8. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #8928
    farnboromackem and Gil T Azell like this.
  9. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #8929
    farnboromackem likes this.
  10. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    New York lawyer 'phones his mate.
    "Hey, Benny, I got news for you. Some good, some bad."
    "Oh, hi, Lenny, I've had a **** day, gimme some good news,eh?"
    "OK, Benny. You know advised your wife to invest in pictures. Well, she has bought some. They only cost he $5000 but she reckons they could be worth at least a million. I've seen them and I agree."
    "Well, that is good news, Lenny, now what was the bad news?"
    'They're pictures of you and your secretary."
     
    #8930

  11. Ozzymac

    Ozzymac Well-Known Member

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    #8931
    farnboromackem likes this.
  12. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong S.A.F.C. Sheriff
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    #8932
  13. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong S.A.F.C. Sheriff
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    #8933
  14. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong S.A.F.C. Sheriff
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    The bloke in our local chippy says that the best way to cook fish is to give it a good slap first.

    Sounds like codswallop to me.......
     
    #8934
  15. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong S.A.F.C. Sheriff
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    #8935
    Draig, Gil T Azell, Nordic and 3 others like this.
  16. MrRAWhite

    MrRAWhite Well-Known Member

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    Scottish triplets called Jock, Jimmy and tat walked into their local bar. The barman asked Jimmy. "How come you and Jock are six foot four, but Tat is only five foot two"? Jimmy replied "when we were bairns me and Jock were fed on our ma's breasts, but there was no tit for Tat".
     
    #8936
    Last edited: Mar 3, 2021
  17. Gil T Azell

    Gil T Azell Well-Known Member

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    I’ve just raised £12,000 for the NHS.
    I had to park my car overnight at the hospital.
     
    #8937
  18. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    were you giving the nurses discount from the back of your car<whistle>
     
    #8938
    MrRAWhite and Gil T Azell like this.
  19. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #8939
    farnboromackem and MrRAWhite like this.
  20. Chunksafc

    Chunksafc Well-Known Member

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