BBC BREAKING NEWS.. Costa coffee bought for 3.8 billion. It must have been one of those extra large latte's with the caramel topping
A kid wearing a bear mask walks into a bar, claims he's old enough to drink and orders a pint. The barman asks if he's really telling the truth. "No it's just a bear faced lie."
MY DAD ONCE TOLD ME “IF YOU EVER GET IN A FIGHT IN A PUB, PUT A SNOOKER BALL IN YOUR SOCK” WORSE ADVICE EVER, I COULD HARDLY ****ING WALK!!
Great news, I see pfizer have created a new Covid-19 vaccine which is 90% effective!! Unlike our immune systems which are only 99.7% effective.
Two crocodiles were laying on the bank of the river Thames in London, the smaller one turned to the bigger one and said "I can't understand how you came to be bigger than me, We're the same age, the same size as kids, so I just don't get it." "Well," said the big croc,' "what have you been eating?" "Politicians, same as you", replied the small croc, "I catch them in the car park at Parliament. I crawl under one of the posh cars, wait until someone unlocks the car door, then I grab them by the leg, shake the **** out of them and eat them." "Aha," said the big croc, "I think I see your problem, you're not getting proper nourishment. You see, by the time you've finished shaking the **** out of a politician, all you've got left is an arsehole and a briefcase.
I once landed a job as a circus dwarf despite being 6 feet tall ... ... I was billed as the biggest dwarf in the world.
A Liverpool girl enters an adult shop and asks for a vibrator. The man says: "Choose one from our range on the wall." She says "I'll take that red one." The man replies: "That's a fire extinguisher."
I applied to be a sperm donor, the nurse asked if i could **** in the cup I told her i'm pretty good but I don't think i'm ready to compete in a tournament yet.
