Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

A bloke was on the first tee at his local golf course when a beautiful woman appeared and said, “I have just joined the club and this is my first round, would you mind explaining the layout of the course to me”.

The bloke says, “I can do better than that, my mate hasn’t turned up so I will play the round with you”

The woman accepted his offer and was just about to go onto the Ladies tee when the man said, “Why don’t we make it interesting and play for something”. The woman says, “How about loser pays for the drinks in the bar” and the man agrees.

They tee off playing match play and the woman absolutely batters him 5 & 4. So they go into the bar and the bloke angrily buys the drinks.

The woman says. “I feel uncomfortable beating you so heavily, and to add insult to injury, you have to buy the drinks”.

The bloke fancies his chances with her so he says. “You can make me feel a bit better and come out the back of the clubhouse with me”.

She agrees and they find a quiet place and start kissing. The man’s hands start to move southward and the woman stops him and says, “It’s the time of the month, we can’t go all the way but I can use my hands to please you”. Once they are finished the bloke asks her if she fancies a round the following day and the woman agrees.

On the first tee the man says, “Same again, loser buys the drinks?” and the woman nods in agreement. They play match play again and she batters him again, this time 6 & 5. They go back to the clubhouse and the bloke is furious but buys the drinks. When they finish, they go out the back of the clubhouse and the same thing happens she says it is the time of the month so she will use her hands. When they are done they agree to meet the following day.

The following day the same happened, she battered him 6 & 5, he furiously paid for another round of drinks and afterwards they went outside to get intimate. This time the bloke said, “I know it’s the wrong time of the month but I am a bit sick of hand jobs”. The woman replied, “I understand, I will use my mouth this time”. The bloke was delighted.

This went on for another four days with the bloke getting battered on the golf course, furious that he had to buy the drinks again, but happy he was getting a bit of oral sex afterwards.

It came to the eight day and they teed off again, this time the woman played out of her skin and hammered him 7 & 6. He was really hacked off but bought the drinks. As they were sitting drinking the man said, “You’ve hammered me every round we have played and I have bought all of our drinks all week, I am grateful for our encounters round the back of the clubhouse but, your period must be finished by now”. “Is there any chance we can go all of the way this time?”

The woman says, I don’t know how to tell you this but I have a confession to make, I haven’t been on my period, in fact I am not a woman at all, I am a transvestite.”

The bloke reeled back and said, “You cheating bastard, no wonder you beat me, you’ve been playing off the ladies tees all week”.

 

and the moral of the story is a lot of women are downright devious.

 

ANYONE KNOW HOW LONG IT TAKES TO FIX A HEARING AID? SENT MINE AWAY TWO WEEKS AGO AND HEARD NOTHING SINCE.

 

In hindsight I should have put my Facebook status as 'I've just blown the head gasket on my 2005 Ford Escort' and not 'I've just ****ed a 15 year old Escort'

The police aren't very happy and the wife's gone back to her mother's.