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Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

Discussion in 'Sunderland' started by Smug in Boots, Jan 19, 2015.

Page 320 of 2001
  1. Sunderpitt

    Sunderpitt Well-Known Member

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    FB_IMG_1599207077125.jpg
     
    #6381
    Sunderpitt, Sep 4, 2020
    MrRAWhite, Makemstine Roger and Montysoptician like this.
  2. Gil T Azell

    Gil T Azell Well-Known Member

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    Marks and Spencer were advertising a “Bra fitting event “ in my local store.
    When I asked the security guard what time it started so I could get seat at the front he told me to f*ck off.
    No wonder sales are plummeting if that’s their attitude.
     
    #6382
    Gil T Azell, Sep 4, 2020
    Makemstine Roger likes this.
  3. Gil T Azell

    Gil T Azell Well-Known Member

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    I said to the lad in Tesco ‘is it true you carry customers shopping to their car free of charge?’
    He said ‘we do’.
    As we got to my car I said ‘I only asked you to do it because I’m lazy’.
    He said ‘I realise that. Here’s your f*cking Twix!!.
     
    #6383
    Gil T Azell, Sep 4, 2020
    Smug in Boots, Makemstine Roger, farnboromackem and 1 other person like this.
  4. Montysoptician

    Montysoptician Well-Known Member

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    A bloke is driving around Southwick and he sees a sign in front of a terraced house: 'Talking Dog for Sale.'

    He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the back yard.

    The man goes into the back yard and sees a nice looking Labrador sitting there.

    "Can you talk?" he asks.

    "Yes" the Labrador replies.

    After the man recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says, "So, what's your story?"

    The Labrador looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told MI5. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one realised a dog would be eavesdropping, I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running... but the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a number of medals and awards. I got married and we had puppies, I decided to retire and spend time with my wife and kids."

    The bloke is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner how much he wants for the dog.

    "Ten quid" he says.

    "Ten quid? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"

    "Because he's a liar, he's never been out of the bloody back yard."
     
    #6384
    Montysoptician, Sep 4, 2020
    Sandy Camel, MrRAWhite, Gordon Armstrong and 5 others like this.
  5. rooch 3

    rooch 3 Well-Known Member

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    #6385
    rooch 3, Sep 4, 2020
    Blyth_bucaneer, MrRAWhite, Gil T Azell and 3 others like this.
  6. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    especially if they look like roochies post ......6386 wow just wow could watch her all day deffo a 10
     
    #6386
    Makemstine Roger, Sep 5, 2020
    Gil T Azell likes this.
  7. Gil T Azell

    Gil T Azell Well-Known Member

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    Will go and check it out.
     
    #6387
    Gil T Azell, Sep 5, 2020
    Makemstine Roger likes this.
  8. rooch 3

    rooch 3 Well-Known Member

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    #6388
    rooch 3, Sep 5, 2020
    Blyth_bucaneer, Makemstine Roger, Gil T Azell and 6 others like this.
  9. Gil T Azell

    Gil T Azell Well-Known Member

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    Due to a misheard Carpenters' lyric, when I was a kid I thought the first alien life form to contact earth was called Colin Octopus.
     
    #6389
    Gil T Azell, Sep 6, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, Smug in Boots, MrRAWhite and 1 other person like this.
  10. MrRAWhite

    MrRAWhite Well-Known Member

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    #6390
    MrRAWhite, Sep 6, 2020
    Hefty fullback, Smug in Boots, Blyth_bucaneer and 2 others like this.

  11. Comfy

    Comfy Well-Known Member

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    #6391
    Comfy, Sep 6, 2020
    Sandy Camel, Smug in Boots, MrRAWhite and 1 other person like this.
  12. rooch 3

    rooch 3 Well-Known Member

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    #6392
    rooch 3, Sep 6, 2020
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  13. Smug in Boots

    Smug in Boots Well-Known Member

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    What's the difference between a cowboy in a gunfight and a tugboat captain in distress ...

    ... one is shooting from the hip, the other is hooting from the ship.

    Oh yeah, and one has a beard <laugh>
     
    #6393
    Smug in Boots, Sep 7, 2020
    rooch 3, Gil T Azell and Sunderpitt like this.
  14. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    A polar bear asked his dad if he was sure that he was a polar bear.
    Dad said he was and asked why he asked.
    "Cos I'm f**k**g freezing"

    A son asked his father, "Dad are we pyromaniacs?"
    The father replied, "Yes we arson."
     
    #6394
    Gordon Armstrong, Sep 7, 2020
    Gil T Azell and farnboromackem like this.
  15. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    #6395
    Gordon Armstrong, Sep 7, 2020
    Nordic, Gil T Azell, mrs em and 1 other person like this.
  16. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    #6396
    Gordon Armstrong, Sep 7, 2020
    Gil T Azell, farnboromackem and Sandy Camel like this.
  17. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    #6397
    Gordon Armstrong, Sep 7, 2020
    Nordic, Makemstine Roger and Gil T Azell like this.
  18. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    #6398
    Gordon Armstrong, Sep 7, 2020
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  19. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    #6399
    Gordon Armstrong, Sep 7, 2020
    Sandy Camel, Gil T Azell, farnboromackem and 1 other person like this.
  20. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    What were the chances . . . .
    please log in to view this image
     
    #6400
    Gordon Armstrong, Sep 7, 2020
    mrs em, Sandy Camel, Conspiracy Theorist and 7 others like this.
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