My wife caught me p*ssing in the kitchen sink, and had a massive go at me. "You f*cking prick, that's so inappropriate!" she screamed. "Well so is washing the baby in there, but I don't have a go at you about that!" I shouted back. I think she realised she'd lost the argument because she didn't even reply. She just lifted the baby out of the sink and went upstairs!!.
I just found out you can get paid for donating semen!.. Ffs!. The amount of money i've let slip through my fingers!!
All pub landlords, Prior to reopening I am offering quality control sampling for any of your draft beers. Free for the first 6 pubs!!.
This isn't a joke but I laughed my head off and so did the owner of the garden machinery shop I was in. The owner has put up signs and marked out the safe distances for customers. I'm being served so this sweaty French oaf comes right next to me and starts asking the owner if his mower is repaired. The owner explains he's serving me and he's just invaded my space. Fat boy says 'you're more likely to get run over'. At which point I cough loud and long, explain that I've been feeling shyte for two days and loss my sense of taste. I've never seen anyone walk backwards quicker, the lad should be in a circus
I asked Mrs Smug if she'd take the knee for a black man ... ... and I'm pleased to announce that she's definitely not a racist
