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Discussion in 'Sunderland' started by Smug in Boots, Jan 19, 2015.
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Reminds me of a time as a kid (I was about 8). Brother and i had a scalextric set and his car was faster than mine.
Being a forward thinking young man i figured that i could make mine faster by charging it up. Folded out the brushes, inserted them into the power point and flicked the switch. Scorch marks up the wall, the car shot out of my hand and i was thrown across the room. End result was the motor was fried.
Not wanting to admit defeat i swapped the plastic bodies of the 2 cars so my brothers was ****ed and mine was now the fastest. Bloody good walloping from the old man when he came home but it was worth it to see my brothers face when his car wouldn't run at all
THIS IS A CONVERSATION BETWEEN A MAN AND HIS WIFE.
PLEASE NOTE THAT SHE ASKS SEVEN QUESTIONS, WHICH HE ANSWERS QUITE SIMPLY.
BUT THEN SHE IS SPEECHLESS AFTER ANSWERING ONLY ONE QUESTION FROM HIM
I BET THIS HAPPENS MORE OFTEN THAN NOT TO MOST HUSBANDS OUT THERE:
WOMAN: DO YOU DRINK BEER?
WOMAN : HOW MANY BEERS A DAY?
MAN: USUALLY ABOUT THREE
WOMAN: HOW MUCH DO YOU PAY PER BEER?
MAN: $5.00 WHICH INCLUDES A TIP (THIS IS WHERE IT GETS SCARY!)
WOMAN: AND HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING?
MAN: ABOUT 20 YEARS, I SUPPOSE
WOMAN: SO A BEER COSTS $5 AND YOU HAVE THREE BEERS A DAY WHICH PUTS YOUR SPENDING EACH MONTH AT $450.
IN ONE YEAR, IT WOULD BE APPROXIMATELY $5400 CORRECT?
WOMAN: IF IN 1 YEAR YOU SPEND $5400, NOT ACCOUNTING FOR INFLATION,
THE PAST 20 YEARS PUTS YOUR SPENDING AT $108,000 CORRECT?
WOMAN: DO YOU KNOW THAT IF YOU DIDN’T DRINK SO MUCH BEER, THAT MONEY COULD HAVE BEEN PUT IN A STEP-UP INTEREST SAVINGS ACCOUNT AND AFTER ACCOUNTING FOR COMPOUND INTEREST FOR THE PAST 20 YEARS, YOU COULD HAVE NOW BOUGHT AN AIRPLANE?
MAN: DO YOU DRINK BEER?
MAN: WHERE'S YOUR AIRPLANE?
Bloke is with the doctor who tells him he should stop drinking, going out with his mates and chasing women.
He asks if that's sure to make him live
longer and the doctor says,
'No, it'll just seem like it'.
Bloke is sitting at home and receives a phone call from the doctor....
Doctor: Is this Mr Smith?
Mr Smith: Yes it is
Doctor: Good afternoon, your wife Mary came into see us and had some blood tests done..... And, well, there's a little problem.
Mr Smith: Oh my god Doctor, what's wrong?
Doctor: Well it appears we have 2 Mrs Smiths that attend the surgery and we aren't exactly sure who's tests belong to who.
Mr Smith: I'm a little confused Doc, what does that mean?
Doctor: Well, one patients tests came back with confirmation of dementia and the other is positive for HIV.
Mr Smith: Bloody hell doc, what do you suggest?
Doctor: Drop her off at the local shopping centre. If she comes home don't **** her
Hell you will upset the flakiest on here with that one.
The inventor of anagrams has passed away. May he erect a penis
Very clever.. It took me a while, but once you see them you wonder how you missed them in the first place..
Gotta love Australian humour
Has anyone tried blindfolded archery?
You don’t know what you’re missing.
Took me a good minute or so but it was an enjoyable minute.