Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite .....

Discussion in 'Sunderland' started by Smug in Boots, Jan 19, 2015.

  1. Ozzymac

    Ozzymac Well-Known Member

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    #4521
    SAFCDRUM, Nordic, MrRAWhite and 3 others like this.
  2. Conspiracy Theorist

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  3. Ozzymac

    Ozzymac Well-Known Member

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    #4523
    Gordon Armstrong likes this.
  4. Nig

    Nig Well-Known Member

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    . IMG-20200102-WA0000.jpg
     
    #4524
    Simple Saffy likes this.
  5. Nig

    Nig Well-Known Member

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  6. Conspiracy Theorist

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  7. Simple Saffy

    Simple Saffy Not606 Godfather

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  8. Simple Saffy

    Simple Saffy Not606 Godfather

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  9. Ozzymac

    Ozzymac Well-Known Member

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    Reminds me of a time as a kid (I was about 8). Brother and i had a scalextric set and his car was faster than mine.

    Being a forward thinking young man i figured that i could make mine faster by charging it up. Folded out the brushes, inserted them into the power point and flicked the switch. Scorch marks up the wall, the car shot out of my hand and i was thrown across the room. End result was the motor was fried.

    Not wanting to admit defeat i swapped the plastic bodies of the 2 cars so my brothers was ****ed and mine was now the fastest. Bloody good walloping from the old man when he came home but it was worth it to see my brothers face when his car wouldn't run at all :emoticon-0102-bigsm
     
    #4529
    MrRAWhite and Simple Saffy like this.
  10. Ozzymac

    Ozzymac Well-Known Member

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    THIS IS A CONVERSATION BETWEEN A MAN AND HIS WIFE.

    PLEASE NOTE THAT SHE ASKS SEVEN QUESTIONS, WHICH HE ANSWERS QUITE SIMPLY.

    BUT THEN SHE IS SPEECHLESS AFTER ANSWERING ONLY ONE QUESTION FROM HIM

    I BET THIS HAPPENS MORE OFTEN THAN NOT TO MOST HUSBANDS OUT THERE:


    WOMAN: DO YOU DRINK BEER?

    MAN: YES

    WOMAN : HOW MANY BEERS A DAY?

    MAN: USUALLY ABOUT THREE

    WOMAN: HOW MUCH DO YOU PAY PER BEER?

    MAN: $5.00 WHICH INCLUDES A TIP (THIS IS WHERE IT GETS SCARY!)

    WOMAN: AND HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING?

    MAN: ABOUT 20 YEARS, I SUPPOSE

    WOMAN: SO A BEER COSTS $5 AND YOU HAVE THREE BEERS A DAY WHICH PUTS YOUR SPENDING EACH MONTH AT $450.
    IN ONE YEAR, IT WOULD BE APPROXIMATELY $5400 CORRECT?

    MAN: CORRECT

    WOMAN: IF IN 1 YEAR YOU SPEND $5400, NOT ACCOUNTING FOR INFLATION,
    THE PAST 20 YEARS PUTS YOUR SPENDING AT $108,000 CORRECT?

    MAN: CORRECT

    WOMAN: DO YOU KNOW THAT IF YOU DIDN’T DRINK SO MUCH BEER, THAT MONEY COULD HAVE BEEN PUT IN A STEP-UP INTEREST SAVINGS ACCOUNT AND AFTER ACCOUNTING FOR COMPOUND INTEREST FOR THE PAST 20 YEARS, YOU COULD HAVE NOW BOUGHT AN AIRPLANE?

    MAN: DO YOU DRINK BEER?

    WOMAN: NO.
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    MAN: WHERE'S YOUR AIRPLANE?
     
    #4530

  11. Smug in Boots

    Smug in Boots Well-Known Member

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    Bloke is with the doctor who tells him he should stop drinking, going out with his mates and chasing women.

    He asks if that's sure to make him live
    longer and the doctor says,
    'No, it'll just seem like it'.
     
    #4531
  12. Ozzymac

    Ozzymac Well-Known Member

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    Bloke is sitting at home and receives a phone call from the doctor....

    Doctor: Is this Mr Smith?
    Mr Smith: Yes it is
    Doctor: Good afternoon, your wife Mary came into see us and had some blood tests done..... And, well, there's a little problem.
    Mr Smith: Oh my god Doctor, what's wrong?
    Doctor: Well it appears we have 2 Mrs Smiths that attend the surgery and we aren't exactly sure who's tests belong to who.
    Mr Smith: I'm a little confused Doc, what does that mean?
    Doctor: Well, one patients tests came back with confirmation of dementia and the other is positive for HIV.
    Mr Smith: Bloody hell doc, what do you suggest?
    Doctor: Drop her off at the local shopping centre. If she comes home don't **** her
     
    #4532
  13. rooch 3

    rooch 3 Well-Known Member

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    Hell you will upset the flakiest on here with that one.
     
    #4533
    Ozzymac likes this.
  14. Nacho

    Nacho Well-Known Member

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  15. Ozzymac

    Ozzymac Well-Known Member

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    #4535
  16. gelders pie

    gelders pie Well-Known Member

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    The inventor of anagrams has passed away. May he erect a penis
     
    #4536
  17. MrRAWhite

    MrRAWhite Well-Known Member

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    Very clever.. It took me a while, but once you see them you wonder how you missed them in the first place..
     
    #4537
  18. Ozzymac

    Ozzymac Well-Known Member

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    Gotta love Australian humour

     
    #4538
    Nordic, Nig, Montysoptician and 2 others like this.
  19. Vincemac

    Vincemac Well-Known Member

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    Has anyone tried blindfolded archery?
    You don’t know what you’re missing.
     
    #4539
  20. Nacho

    Nacho Well-Known Member

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    Took me a good minute or so but it was an enjoyable minute.
     
    #4540
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