Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite .....

Discussion in 'Sunderland' started by Smug in Boots, Jan 19, 2015.

  1. Smug in Boots

    Smug in Boots Well-Known Member

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    Hi mate, no I've never been armed in public but have worked with people who are.

    In France I had a 5 round pump action shotgun but that was on private property. The first round was salt, the next was rubber and the last three were real. My theory was that a salt round in the face would frighten most people, rubber would take care of 99.9% of the rest. If all that failed it would've been a blast to the legs. In reality the sound of the loading slide coming back would scare most people ... it sounded evil.

    I also had a lovely handgun I was given by a friend who'd 'confiscated' it.

    Sadly I had to leave them both behind when I left France, they were like old friends ...

    ... great to knock around with and a great comfort in difficult times :emoticon-0103-cool:
     
    #4441
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  2. Chunksafc

    Chunksafc Well-Known Member

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    I can officially say, **** that for a game. Of soldiers
     
    #4442
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  3. Smug in Boots

    Smug in Boots Well-Known Member

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    <laugh>

    Me and Mrs Smug had to go the the home of Dame Vivien Duffield, near Monaco ...

    ... the gates were so far from the villa the security were on Segways.

    It looked absolutely mental watching 18 stone monsters zooming up and down the drive!
     
    #4443
  4. rooch 3

    rooch 3 Well-Known Member

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    <laugh>
    Who the hell puts the ducks away<laugh>
     
    #4444
  5. Smug in Boots

    Smug in Boots Well-Known Member

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    The full time team of highly trained Hungarian duck wranglers <laugh>
     
    #4445
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  6. Ned Doig

    Ned Doig Well-Known Member

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    How on earth did you get into this line of work?
     
    #4446
  7. Smug in Boots

    Smug in Boots Well-Known Member

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    Like everything in my life mate, entirely by accident.

    I used to go to Rock City, Nottingham, as a punter and was asked to fill in one night on the stage door. I ended up doing 11 years while we had groups like Oasis, U2, Faith no More, Kings of Leon, etc week after week. I was a big lad then and always in the gym. The club owner, George Akins, paid me extra to do repos, debt collection, house calls, threats, etc.

    I met a gangster who worked security, in the south of France, and went down to see him. I ended up as a bodyguard to people like Britney, Cher, Janet Jackson, etc when they'd come for the Cannes Film Festival, Monaco F1, etc.

    When I was too old Mrs Smug shifted us into looking after property in the south of France, smart move tbh. We've worked for some of the world's richest people without so much as an 11 plus between us <laugh>

    As part of the interview process, for this latest job, I've just been asked to do my first ever enhanced DBS ....

    .... that's the end of that then <doh>
     
    #4447
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  8. Ned Doig

    Ned Doig Well-Known Member

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    Well, I guess most of us end up having careers that we never intended to, albeit mines nowhere near as interesting.
     
    #4448
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  9. Chunksafc

    Chunksafc Well-Known Member

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    The post above reminds me of when my company were working on a naval base, the head of security (who actually was a lovely bloke) but deadly Seruous gave all the contractors a talk about security levels being high and to be vigilant.

    He accompanied his talk by having to of the base security stood next to him with loaded assault rifles, which he happily pointed out was real ammunition, the chaps holding them had confirmed kills and were authorised to use deadly force.

    We were then treated to a delightful insight into their guard dogs (****ing huge German shepards) with the explicit intructions not to approach them and if you saw one running to stand still
     
    #4449
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  10. MrRAWhite

    MrRAWhite Well-Known Member

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    please log in to view this image
     
    #4450

  11. Smug in Boots

    Smug in Boots Well-Known Member

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    <laugh>
     
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  12. Nacho

    Nacho Well-Known Member

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    929A88CB-4828-4905-8684-9916DE965B8D.jpeg A4CEF549-CD46-4FAE-BDD8-5AFF3538D6A5.jpeg EA756969-83A2-4815-9937-9645B43B8B7A.jpeg 01297E5E-303A-4FFE-A076-EDF3E647F62A.jpeg 1536F442-A8D0-4024-B7DC-BD3E0AFE286F.jpeg 601610E1-DDA4-4611-B07D-4211DAD64D3B.jpeg
     
    #4452
    Last edited: Oct 18, 2019
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  13. MrRAWhite

    MrRAWhite Well-Known Member

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  14. Nacho

    Nacho Well-Known Member

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    Monty probably.
     
    #4454
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  15. Conspiracy Theorist

    Conspiracy Theorist Active Member

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    please log in to view this image
     
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  16. MrRAWhite

    MrRAWhite Well-Known Member

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  17. MrRAWhite

    MrRAWhite Well-Known Member

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    Well my venture in buying a part share in a racehorse has cost me a fortune due to the horse in question being scared to come out of the stables during daylight hours. It's a nightmare.
     
    #4457
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  18. Smug in Boots

    Smug in Boots Well-Known Member

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    I bought my Mag neighbour a novelty napalm 'jack-in-the-box' birthday present ....

    ... you should've seen his face light up when he opened it <laugh>
     
    #4458
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  19. MrRAWhite

    MrRAWhite Well-Known Member

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    just got an embarrassing email from SCREWFIX

    ...reminding me that they're definitely not a Dating Site
     
    #4459
  20. Ozzymac

    Ozzymac Well-Known Member

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    I'm reaching out on behalf of a mate of mine who needs some help.

    His missus asked him to go out and get some of those pills that would help him get an erection.

    When he came back he handed her some diet pills.

    Anyway, he's looking for a place to live.
     
    #4460

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