A bookie was walking the grand national course when at the water jump he sees a little girl with a rod and a float in the water. "You'll never catch anything in there" he said. Girl asks "what odds will you give me ?" Bookie "20 to 1" Girl "Okay . . . . here is £1" The bookie takes the money and as he is walking away the girl calls him back. He turns to see a flat fish on the hook. "Fair enough, here you go." as he hands over £6. Girl, "I should get £20 plus my original £1 back, though." Bookie "Sorry, but you only get a quarter of the odds for a plaice." I'll get my coat !
There were three girls who were getting married and all met at the marriage counsellor's office to discuss the options of having or not having a baby right away. There were two city girls and one farm girl... The counsellor asked them if they planned on having a baby right away or were going to wait awhile. They all agreed that they had discussed this with their potential husbands and all agreed to wait awhile... Well, the counsellor asked the first girl what type of birth control she planned to use. Her answer was, "The rhythm method"... "That will work," said the counsellor, "if you keep a good record"... He asked the second girl what system she planned on using. "I plan on using birth control pills," she said.. Again he said, "Yes that will work as long as you don't forget to take them." He then asked the farm girl what system she was planning on using. Her answer was, "The bucket and saucer method." After a short delay, he told her that should also work... He asked them all to come back in one year on a specific date for a follow up on how things were going... They all met again one year later and the two city girls were pregnant. Only the farm girl was slim and trim yet... Well, the counsellor asked the first girl what method she used and what went wrong. She replied, "I used the rhythm method but somehow got my notes mixed up and, well here I am, going to have a baby"... He asked the second city girl what method she used and she replied, "The birth control pill. But we were camping one weekend and I didn't have my pills with me and as you can see, I too am going to have a baby"... He turns to the farm girl. "I vaguely remember you were going to use the bucket and saucer method. Now I must admit that I don't have a clue what the bucket and saucer method is. Will you explain it to me as I see it has worked well for you"...? She replied, "Well we make love standing up, and since I am quite a bit taller than my husband, he stands on a bucket turned upside down. Now as we are making love, I watch his eyes, and when his eyes get as big as saucers, I kick the bucket out from under him"...
