Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

I like most fairground games but I draw the line at

 

Changed the ringtone on my alarm to the Hokey Cokey ...
Took me 20 minutes to get out of bed!

 

I’ve just been on a dating website and the missus has put her profile on there.
I’m f*cking furious.
Lying bitch isn’t ‘fun to be around’ at all.

 

A nun is sitting with her Mother Superior chatting.
"I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely
terrible about it."
"When did you use this awful language?" asks the elder.
"Well, I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like
it was going to go over 280 yards, but it struck a phone line that
was hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground
after going only about 100 yards."
"Is that when you swore?"
"No, Mother," says the nun. "After that, a squirrel ran out of
the bushes and grabbed my ball in its mouth and began to run
away."
"Is THAT when you swore?" asks the Mother Superior again.
"Well, no. says the nun. You see, as the squirrel was running, an
eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons
and began to fly away!"
"Is THAT when you swore?" asks the amazed elder nun.
"No, not yet. As the eagle carried the squirrel away in its claws"
, it flew near the green and the squirrel dropped my ball."
"Did you swear THEN?" asked Mother Superior, becoming impatient.
"No, because the ball fell on a big rock, bounced over the
sandtrap, rolled onto the green, and stopped about six inches from
the hole."
The two nuns were silent for a moment.
Then Mother Superior sighed and said, "You missed the f******
putt, didn't you?"

 

I found this phone yesterday whilst metal detecting. It was still on hold at the doctors...

 

When prepping tea took some effort