Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

Best advice I was given.

Don't date a girl who doesn't respect your wife.

 

I just saw this fella going up a hill with a wheelbarrow full of horseshoes, four leaf clovers and rabbit's feet.

I thought “He’s pushing his luck.”

 

Regardless of your views about this, or The Sun comic, this is some canny headline writing

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My wife and I are both tightrope walkers…
We met online!

 

I met a girl at the pub one night when I was much younger and I said to her "I'm gonna make love to you in my lounge, bedroom, kitchen, and the hallway tonight."
She said, "It's nice to pull a bloke with that kind of stamina."
She was gutted when I took her back to my caravan.

 

3 blokes go to Heaven, and as they get to the gates, God says to them "Your quality of vehicle for up here is going to be based on how well you treated your wife"
So man number 1 says "I never ever cheated on my wife." so God gave him a Lamborghini.
Man number 2 says "I only cheated on my wife a tiny bit" so God gave him a used car.
Man number 3 says "I’m sorry Sir, but I cheated on my wife lots of times" so God reluctantly chucks him the keys to an old motorcycle.
After they all receive their vehicles, Man number 1 is seen crying his eyes out, and God asks him "What’s the matter? You’ve got the best vehicle of all" He replied "I've just seen my wife over there on bloody roller skates"