Another owldy A man in Birminghan has been shot with a starting pistol ! Police believe it to be race related.
The wife checked her husband's phone and found these names: The tender one The amazing one Lady of my dreams She got angry and called the first number to find out that it was his mother. Then she called the second number and his sister answered. When she dialled the third number her own phone rang. She cried until her eyes got swollen because she had doubted her innocent husband, so she gave him her whole months pay to make up for it. The husband took the money and bought a gift for his girlfriend, whose name was saved as "uncle Mike - mechanic”
My wife and I haven't had sex for months, so I slipped something in her tea to get her excited. A doughnut.
My wife is a miserable tw*t. Even after two weeks in the Bahamas! Unbelievable! Worst welcome home ever!
Wife's Diary: * Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment about it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong; He said, "nothing." I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behaviour. I don't know why he didn't say, “I love you, too.” When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep; I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster. *Husband's Diary:* Who the f@@k loses to Newcastle at home
BREAKING NEWS: Reports coming from France this evening say Zinedine Zidane is learning English so that he can reject Manchester United!
All-female Origin crew forced to return to earth in under 11 minutes after being unable to find a parking space big enough.
A doctor gives an 80-year-old man a jar and asks to give him a sample of semen so he can measure his sperm count for part of his physical exam... "Take this jar home and bring back a sample tomorrow," he asks. "Sure," replies the old fella. The next day, he returns to the doctor’s office and gives him the jar, which is as clean and empty as it was the previous day. The doctor asked him what happened. The man explained, "Well doc, it’s like this. First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, and then with her left, but still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, and then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even asked Eileen, the lady next door to help out. She tried too, first with both hands. Then an armpit, and she even tried squeezing it between her knees, but still nothing." The doctor was shocked! "You asked your next door neighbour?" "Yeah, that's right," the old man replied, "None of us could get the lid off."
