I saw a sign in a pet shop window that said "Pedigree Netherlands Cats for sale" I didn't believe that they were Netherlands Cats, or that there was any such thing, so I went in & asked "How Dutch is that moggie in the window ?"
For years as a child I thought my name was Arthur F*cksake because that's what my parents said whenever I entered the room
Apologies in advance. I've been offered a job making plastic Draculas. There will only be two of us on the production line so I have to make every second count.
While I was driving my wife asked me to pass her lip balm. I mistakenly passed her some Super Glue, and she's still not talking to me.