My drunk mate went to the pub and the barman said sorry I can’t serve you, you are plastered. So he left and re-entered through the side door and the barman said I’ve told you once I’m not serving you so sod off. He turned round and left and then came in through the back door, the barman says for the last time you aren’t getting served, clear off. He looked at the barman and says how many bloody pubs do you work in ?
A lad was hunting when a gust of wind blew his rifle over and discharged, shooting him in the genitals. Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by his doctor. "Well, sir, I have some good news & some bad news. The good news is that you are going to be okay . . . . the damage was local to your groin, there was very little internal damage, and we were able to remove all of the buckshot." "What's the bad news ?" asked the hunter. "The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your willy that left quite a few holes in it, so I'm going to have to refer you to my sister." "Well, I guess that isn't too bad," the hunter replied. "Is your sister a plastic surgeon?" "No . . . .she's a flautist with the London Symphony Orchestra, and she's going to teach you where to put your fingers so that you don't pee in your eye."
The other day I was masturbating furiously with my eyes closed, and was shocked to find a cup of tea beside me when I'd finished. So all credit to Starbucks for their customer service.
