Its great having a dyslexic secretary! she's just given me the best blow job ever and I only sent her an e-mail asking if she could sack my cook!
UNANSWERABLE QUESTIONS Wife: Am I looking fat? Husband: Yes. Wife: Shut up. Don't you ever dare talk to mel! Wife: Am I looking fat? Husband: No. Wife: Liar!!! Wife: Am I looking fat? Husband: Maybe... Wife: can u ever be decisive. Wife: Am I looking fat? Husband: I don't know. Wife: Are you blind? Wife: Am I looking fat? Husband: Depends... Wife: Oh you comparing me with someone else... Wife: Am I looking fat? Husband: Silence... Wife: Are you deaf?
An Irishman, named Mick, takes part in a TV quiz show. His first question was; what two days of the week begin with the letter 'T'? He thought for a moment and then gave his answer - "Today and Tomorrow". The quizmaster was rather taken aback by this and had to call in the adjudicator who said that Mick was indeed correct even though that particular answer was not on the answer sheet. His second question was; “How many seconds are there in a year?” Almost immediately Mick answered "12". "How on earth can there be only 12?" asked the question master. "Easy" says Mick - "2nd of January, 2nd of February, 2nd of March and so on". Once again the adjudicator was called and once again he said that Mick was indeed correct. Now, his third and final question was; “What was the name of the swagman in the song "Waltzing Matilda?” Mick, silently went through the words of the song in his head. "It's Andy", he said. "OK", said the question master, "Please tell us how you have reached that answer". So Mick began to sing;- “Once a jolly swagman sat by a billabong under the shade of a koolabar tree ANDY sang as he watched and waited till his billy boiled You’ll come a-waltzing Matilda with me.” Good old Mick went home with a £5,000 cheque.
Johnny's teacher is giving a lesson on Nutrition, and she decides to ask her students what they had for Breakfast To add a Spelling Component, she asks the students to also spell their answers Susan puts up her hand and says she had an Egg, 'E-G-G' 'Very good', says the teacher. Peter says he had Toast, 'T-O-A-S-T? 'Excellent..' Johnny has his hand up and the teacher reluctantly calls on him: 'I had Bugger All', he says, ' B-U-G-G-E-R-A-L-L' The teacher is mortified and scolds Johnny for his rude answer Later when the lesson turns to Geography, she asks the students some Rudimentary questions Susan correctly identifies the Capital of Canada. Peter is able to tell her Which ocean is off Canada's East Coast When it's Johnny's turn, the teacher remembers his rude answer from the Nutrition Lesson, and decides to give him a very difficult question: Johnny, she asks, 'Where is the Pakistani Border?' Johnny ponders the question and finally says, "The Pakistani border is in bed with my motherThat's why I got Bugger All for breakfast
