I landed a job as the matchday mascot at Spurs, cockerel outfit looked great. When I was on holiday they brought someone in who they thought did a better job so I became the understudy. When I was ill they took someone on as cover but kept him on as first substitute ... ... I packed it in after that, I just thought I'd fallen too far down the pecking order
The Fire Brigade asked me to go back to work after an accident ... ... I thought 'f*ck that, I've already had my fingers burned once'.
"Go on," I said to the wife, "let me see your sex face." "No!" she snarled. "There, wasn't too difficult, was it?"
I was at a funeral today and I asked the priest for the WiFi password. "Have some respect for the dead!" He said. "Ok," I replied. "Is that all lowercase without spaces?"
My wife used her t*ts to get out of a speeding ticket today. The copper tripped over them giving her the chance to f*ck off.
