A doctor in Dublin wanted to get off work, so he approached his assistant! "Murphy, I am going fishing tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic so I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all me patients." "Yes, sir!" answers Murphy. The doctor goes fishing and returns the following day and asks: "So, Murphy, how was your day?" Murphy told him that he took care of three patients. "The first one had a headache so he did, so I gave him Paracetamol." "Bravo Murphy lad, and the second one?" asks the doctor. "The second one had indigestion and I gave him Gaviscon, so I did sir" says Murphy. "Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what about the third one?" asks the doctor. "Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door flies open and a young gorgeous woman bursts in so she does. Like a bolt outta the blue, she tears off her clothes, taking off everything including her bra and her knickers and lies down on the table, spreading her legs and shouts: 'HELP ME for the love of St Patrick! For five years I have not seen a man!' "Tunderin' lard Jesus, Murphy, what did you do?" asks the doctor. "I put drops in her eyes and sent her to Spec Savers.”
I was at the Ramside Hotel in August and a asked at the bar if they sold Guinness zero. "Yeah we do" came the reply, "it's £5.40 a can". £5.40, for a can!! It's no bloody joke I tell tha'.
After 12 long hours in the queue today, including no food or toilet breaks, finally, the moment arrived... The Aldi manager opened till number 2!
I was watching porn last night when my Nan walked in. Not the best way to find out what she does for a living!
