An elderly couple return to a Mercedes dealership where the salesman has just sold the car they were interested in to a beautiful, leggy, busty blonde. "I thought you said you would hold that car till we raised the $75,000 asking price," said the man. "Yet I just heard you closed the deal for $65,000 to that lovely young lady there. You insisted there could be no discount on this model." "Well, what can I tell you? She had the ready cash and just look at her, how could I resist?" replied the grinning salesman. Just then the young woman approached the aged couple and gave them the keys. "There you go," she said. "I told you I would get the jerk to reduce it. See you later, grandpa.” Never mess with the elderly!
I accidentally spilled invisible ink all over mysel . . . . I'm now at the hospital waiting to be seen.
Read about a guy who had one slightly shorter leg who rolled as he walked, nickname was the snipers nightmare.
A Scot wanted to take his son out of school to go to Germany with him, to watch the euros. The head teacher said "let him go, he won't miss much school"
A Wife came Home early and found her Husband in their Bedroom making love to a very Attractive Young Woman. She was very Upset. "You are a Disrēspêctful Pīg!" she Cried. "How dare you do this to me – a Faithful Wife, the Mother of your Children! I'm Leaving you. I want a Divorce, NOW!" The Husband calmly replied, "Hang on just a Minute Love. At least let me tell you what Happened." "Fine, go ahead", the Wife Sobbed, "but they will be the last Words you say to me!" The Husband Began: "Well, as I was getting into the Car at Work to drive Home, this Young Lady here asked me for a Lift. She looked so Distressed, Helpless and Defenceless that I took Pity on her and let her into the Car." "She was very Thin, not well Dressed and very Dirty and told me that she hadn't Eaten for Three Days." "Out of Compassion, I brought her Home and Warmed up the Pizza I made for you last Night that you wouldn’t eat because you're afraid you'll put on Weight. The Poor thing Ate it, Ravenously." "She was Dirty. I suggested she have a Shower. While Showering, I noticed her Clothes were Filthy and Threadbare. I threw them away." "I gave her the Designer Jeans that you’ve had for a Few Years, but don’t Wear because you say they are too Tight." "I gave her Underwear, your Anniversary Present from me, which you don’t Wear because you said I don't have Good Taste." _"I gave her the Sexy Blouse my sister gave you for Christmas, that you don’t Wear just to annoy her. I also donated those Boots you bought at an expensive Boutique but don’t Wear because someone at Work has the same Pair."_ The Husband Paused, took a quick Breath and continued: _"She was so Grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the Door, she turned to me with Tears in her Eyes and said, “Please Sir... Do you have anything else that your Wife doesn’t use?”
