I can't believe how much my glasses weigh. I got on the scales this morning and it said 13 stone, then I put my glasses on and it said 18.
I agree, it's disgraceful ... ... Skegness should have a capital S, standards are rock bottom on there!
I've just arranged a beer tasting event for dwarfs and they said it was the best they've ever had ... ... to be fair, it was quite a low bar
My wife is always trying to put me down . . . . that's just one of the hazards of being married to a vet !
"Of course I won't laugh," said the nurse to the patient, "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient." "Okay then," he said and he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the smallest adult male organ the nurse had ever seen in her life.. In length and width it was almost identical to a AAA battery. Unable to control herself, the nurse tried to stop a giggle, but it just came out, and then she started laughing at the fact that she was laughing. Feeling very bad that she had laughed at the man's private part, she composed herself as well as she could. "I am so sorry," she said, "I don't know what came over me. On my honour as a nurse and a lady, I promise that it won't happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem?" "It's swollen," Masky replied.
I've been trying to economise and buying cheap toilet paper ... ... it's quite thin but at least I get to check my prostate regularly
My mum walked in while I was shaving my pubes. "F*cking hell," I shouted. "You could have at least knocked!" She said, "You could have at least shaved them in the bathroom and not the kitchen."
Bob Dylan's mam knocks on his bedroom door, "Robert, are you writing more of those hateful protest songs?" "No Ma, I'm masturbating again!" "Oh that's OK then sweetie."
