Went into the bathroom half asleep, this morning, to get ready for the match. I thought, 'FFS there's a weird old man staring through the window at me' ... ... then I remembered Mrs Smug had recently put a mirror on the windowsill
Watching TV with my wife on Saturday night, I realised the exact moment I didn't want to be with her anymore. "Those numbers again, in numerical order are 6, 10, 26, 32, 35 and 48."
I was on a Ryanair flight and a window broke, depressurising the cabin. Immediately oxygen masks dropped down in front of every seat. The voice on the tannoy said, "If you require oxygen, please insert two pound coins into the slot."
I nervously inserted a finger: it felt warm and wet. "I'm gonna need more than that," she said. Taking a breath, I then put in 3 fingers. "Go on, get your whole hand in," she demanded. I wanted to please her, so I did what she said: I was really sweating now. "It's no good, you'll have to put both hands in". I closed my eyes & thrust forward with my other hand & she let out a scream. "There you go, it's not that hard doing the washing up is it?
If Mary, James, Peter, Richard, David and John are all in separate vehicles, travelling at a constant speed of 60mph, in a forward direction with no obstacles, at which point is Mary likely to stamp on her brakes and cause a f*cking accident?
