Me dad used to leave me in the car at the navy club. Then one day I sneaked in and started potting balls on a snooker table. A local amateur champion wanted to train me. But other kids started coming in and wrecking tables so kids got banned. I've had to work for a living ever since
Advice for office managers: Keep the sexual harassment complaint forms in the bottom draw. That way, when she goes to get one you'll get a great view of her arse.
I’ve just walked into William Hill and asked what odds I’d get for the Aliens to land on Earth… “10,000/1” came the reply. I followed it up by asking what odds I would get for Newcastle to win a trophy… “Ask the ****ing Aliens when they get here” came the reply.