I’ve been with my Mrs for 30 odd years, is there anyone out there that can tell me when it starts to a get a little easier?
My Mrs has saved us so much money I can't wait for her to tell me where it all is so we can start living it up. She's so adept at spotting a bargain that, when she finds one, will buy two and save us twice the amount ... ... it's so much like living with Truss I'm thinking of changing my name to Kwasi
Scientists now believe that if you masturbate frequently you have a greater chance of developing tourettes in later life. How the f*ck these b*stard brained arseholes come up with these c*cksucking motherf*cking ideas is beyond me for f*cksake.
I'm not saying the wife is a fat greedy tw*t, but she's just cleaned the oven with two slices of bread.
I was just about to finish my w*nk when someone knocked on my door. "Go away!!" I yelled, "I'm busy". He said, "Sir, the lights green."
Snap for me too, don't tell her but wouldn't swap her for the world, she's even become interested in the lads after more than half a century, mad really.
A high-society young lady is engaged to an ordinary Greek guy, and before the wedding her mother takes her aside and says "I've tried to talk you out of marrying this man, but you seem determined to go through with it, so just promise me one thing. Greeks have unnatural desires in the bedroom that are perverse, nasty, and disgusting . . . . if he ever asks you to 'roll over' you should refuse." The girl agrees and goes through with the marriage. Everything proceeds fine until about 5 years into the marriage when one fateful night in bed, the Greek says "Let's try something different - I want you to roll over." Shocked by the suggestion, she says "My mother warned me about you. That is sick and disgusting. How dare you ask such a thing of me !" Her husband said "Don't you want to have children ?"
Janet Street Porter walks into a bar and asks "Can I have a large aperitif ?" The barman says "I ****ing doubt it."
