A woman asks her husband at breakfast time, "Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit juice and coffee?" He declines. "Thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now. It's this Viagra," he says. "It's really taken the edge off my appetite." At lunchtime, she asked him if he would like something. "How about a bowl of soup, homemade muffins or a chee...se sandwich?" He declines. "The Viagra," he says, "It’s really spoiled my need for food." Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat. "Would you like a juicy rib eye steak and some scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?" He declines again. "No," he says, "it's got to be the Viagra. I'm still not hungry." "Well," she says, "Would you mind getting off me? I'm bloody starving!!.
An engaged man asked his father for advice for a long and happy marriage... Dad, you and Mom have been happily married for 28 years now. How do you do it? "That's easy son, when your Mom and I first got married, we made a deal. She would make all the little decisions, and I would make all the big decisions. " Hey, that sounds like a good arrangement. But how do you decide what's a big decision, and what's a little decision? "Oh, there hasn't been any big decisions yet."
I took a girl back to my place last night. As we laid on the bed, I removed her knickers and threw them across the room with my teeth. "Wow," she said, staring at my gums, "You wear dentures?"
