Hired a handyman and gave him a list of jobs. When I got home he’d only done numbers 1,3,5. Turns out he only does odd jobs.
A woman, cranky because her husband was late coming home again, decided to leave a note, saying, "I've had enough and have left you...don't bother coming after me" Then she hid under the bed to see his reaction. After a short while the husband comes home and she could hear him in the kitchen before he comes into the bedroom. She could see him walk towards the dresser and pick up the note... After a few minutes he wrote something on it before picking up the phone and calling someone... "She's finally gone...yeah I know, about bloody time, I'm coming to see you, put on that sexy French nightie. I love you...can't wait to see you...we'll do all the naughty things you like." He hung up, grabbed his keys and left. She heard the car drive off as she came out from under the bed. Seething with rage and with tears in her eyes she grabbed the note to see what he wrote... "I can see your feet. We're outta bread: be back in five minutes."
My wife got caught out in the rain the other day. She walked in doors with her pussy drenching wet. I had to rub it with a towel. Nearly swallowed the freakin towel !!! Playful thing it is! please log in to view this image
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He's not breathing, so his friend calls 911. 'My friend is dead! What should I do?" The operator replies, "Calm down, sir, first make sure that he's really dead." There's a silence, then a loud bang. Back on the phone, the guy says, "Ok, now what?"
2 for the price of 1! You don't need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving TWICE! Parallel lines have so much in common - its a shame they'll never meet!
The secret to my long marriage is we go out for a romantic meal twice every week..... "I go on a Tuesday and she goes on a Friday"....!!!
I wanted my girlfriend to suck my toes, but she just wanted to kiss my lips. After much negotiation I persuaded her to meet me half way.
You’re English when you go into the bathroom You’re English when you come out of the bathroom But what are you in the bathroom Europeen
