Newcastle United, considering your Saudi owners religious views, you might want to rethink your goal celebrations...
Taked this in as off to Thailand in 5 weeks. Thankfully having the missus with me will keep things safe
Remember when you were little and you could just rip off ya nappy and run around naked and everybody thought it was cute & funny. Anyway I need bail money.
I just killed a massive spider crawling across the floor with my shoe. I don't care how big a spider is, no-one steals my shoe!!
My friend said to me, “My wife makes Susan Boyle look beautiful.” I said, “Thank God you said that. I’ve been wanting to say something for years. She’s so f*cking ugly. What were you thinking when you married her?” He said, “…No, you f*cking c*nt, she’s Susan’s new personal make-up artist.”
In the car, I said to my wife, “You’ve been driving this haven’t you?” She said, “How do you know?” I said, “Because the clutch is knackered.” She said, “Don’t blame me, I never use it.
