Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

An old farmer went to town to see a movie. The ticket agent asked, "Sir, what's that on your shoulder?"
The old farmer said, "That's my pet rooster Chucky, wherever I go, Chucky goes."
"I'm sorry sir.", said the ticket agent, "We don't allow animals in the theater."
The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed the bird down his pants. He returned to the booth, bought a ticket and entered the theater. He sat down next to two old widows named Mildred and Marge.
The movie started and the rooster began to squirm. The old farmer unzipped his pants so Chucky could stick his head out and watch the movie.
"Marge", whispered Mildred.
"What", said Marge.
"I think this guy next to me is a pervert.", said Mildred.
"What makes you think that", asked Marge.
"He unzipped his pants and he has his thing out", whispered Mildred.
"Well, don't worry about it", said Marge, "At our age we've seen them all."
"I thought so", said Mildred, "But this one is eating my popcorn

 

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An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who shared offices with several other doctors.
The waiting room was filled with patients..
As he approached the receptionist's desk, he noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler. He gave her his name. ...
In a very loud voice, the receptionist said,
"YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE;
YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?"
All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at the very embarrassed man.
He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied,
'NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS.'
The room erupted in applause !!!!!!

 

I went to a fancy dress party at a notoriously busy pub that is always packed.
I went as a tennis ball and had no problems getting served !

 

An old man crashed his car into a very expensive one. The owner of the expensive car jumps out and says “Give me £10,000 cash or I will beat you to a pulp”
The old man replies “Wait a minute. I don’t have that much money, but let me call my son, who trains dolphins.”
The old man rings his son, and as he is about to speak, the owner of the expensive car yanks the phone out of his hand and says “So you train dolphins, eh ? Well your old man has just damaged my car. You bring me £10,000 or I’m gonna beat the heck outta him, and you !”
The son answers “Okay, give me 15 minutes and I’ll be there.” In exactly 15 minutes the son pulls up, beats the hell out of the expensive car owner, then walks over to his father and says “Dad, I train Navy Seals . . . . not dolphins."

 

I think that it's a disgrace on society and our education system when after more than 50 years, most people have no idea who Neil Armstrong is . . . . or what kind of trumpet he played !

 

A ginger haired man, in his thirties, was arrested outside Buckingham Palace yesterday. He was seen acting suspiciously and carrying a bag containing a bottle of champagne, a salmon fishing rod and a roast swan ...

... onlookers heard him shouting,

"Let iz in, a knar Charlie from years ago."

Police took him away and said he has mental health issues. He's being held in the Tower of London until after the Coronation.

 

Arguing with my wife is like reading a software licence agreement . . . . in the end l ignore it all and click “I agree”

 

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Good advice

 

Death is tough for anybody and their families, but for a singer/songwriter/musician, it must be especially tough . . . . from years of composing to decomposing

 

Another owldy, but Spring is the time . . . .

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