I bought a Greyhound today. My wife said "Are you going to race him?" "No, he's faster than me." I replied.
The wife had the cheek to call me a lazy b*stard today, I was right in the middle of taking down the Christmas decorations..
“Recently my wife asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I replied, ‘Yes, who did you think it was?'
With all of this climate change being pushed upon us I thought that I would do my little bit, so I've stopped using my electric toothbrush and started using my acoustic one.
Can I be the first to say all I could smell was his stinking cigar breath while he molested me too soon?
Ikea’s CEO has been elected prime minister of Sweden. It’s expected it’ll take some time to get his cabinet together.