If you close your eyes and rub a kiwifruit in one hand and rub a testicle with the other, it's difficult to tell the difference. It also gets you banned from Asda.
For those of you wondering what it’s like to be married… I just found out this morning I’m on day 3 of an argument I didn’t know I was having.
Another owldy . . . . A 60-year-old man went to his doctor for a check-up. The doctor said "You're in terrific shape. There's nothing wrong with you. If you keep this up you might live forever. You have the body of a 35-year-old. By the way, how old was your father when he died ?" The 60-year-old responded "Did I say that he was dead ?" The doctor was surprised and asked "How old is he and is he very active ?" The 60-year-old responded "Well, he is 82 years old and he still goes skiing three times a season and surfing three times a week during the summer" The doctor couldn't believe it, so he said "Well, how old was your grandfather when he died ?" The 60-year-old responded again "Did I say that he was dead ?" The doctor was astonished. He said "You mean to tell me that you are 60 years old and both your father and your grandfather are still alive ? Is your grandfather very active ?" The 60-year-old said "He goes skiing at least once a season and surfing once a week during the summer. Not only that" said the patient "my grandfather is 106 years old, and next week he's getting married again". The doctor said "At 106 years why on earth would your grandfather want to get married ?" His patient looked up at the doctor and said "Did I say that he wanted to ?"
An old man woke up in the middle of the night and found, to his utter astonishment, that his pecker was as hard as a rock for the first time in two years. He shook his wife by the shoulder until she woke up and showed her his enormous boner. "You see that thing, woman" he happily exclaimed. "What do you think we should do with it ?" With one eye open, his wife replied "Well, now that you've got all of the wrinkles out, this might be a good time to wash it."
