A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patty Whack. "Miss Whack, I'd like to get a £30,000 loan to take a holiday." Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow £30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?" The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone." (You sang it, didn't you? Yeah, I know you did.)
I phoned the radio station today. The presenter answered and said, well done on being our first caller, all you need to do is answer the following question correctly to win our grand prize!" "That fantastic!" I shouted in delight. "Feel confident?" The presenter asked, "Its a maths question." "Well, I've got a degree in maths," I proudly replied, "and teach it at my local school." "Ok then, to win our grand prize of 2 seats in the directors box at Newcastle, what is 2+2?" "7" I replied..
The doctor told a guy that masturbating before sex often helped men last longer during the act: The man decided, what the hell, I'll try it. He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it before he got home to his wife. He couldn't do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open. He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe. Finally, he realised his solution. On his way home, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway. He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck. Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to play with his unit. He closed his eyes and thought of his lover. As he grew closer to the big finish, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants. Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied. "What?" He heard. "This is the police. What's going on down there?" The man replied. "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted." The cop replied. "Well, you might as well check your brakes too while you're down there because your truck rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago."
