Oldie but goodie. A prostitute said i could have sex with her at the reduced rate of £10 as she didnt have a womb. Intrigued, I asked how we would do it? She said "acwoss the woad against those wailings".
Liverpool Airport is closed due to a suspicious car parked there . . . . it's taxed, insured, and has an MOT
My friend lost his ear in an accident and had to have a pig's ear transplanted on. I asked him, "Is it working ok?" - He said, "It's fine apart from a bit of crackling!"
I've just unloaded the washing machine and I found a dead mouse in there - at least he died in comfort!
I was walking down the road this morning and got hit by a violin, a clarinet and a piano. I think it was an orchestrated attack!
Just seen a bloke getting tasered by an absolutely gorgeous policewoman - I tell you she was a real stunner!