Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

I've been asked to lay new turf on a field for a civil war re-enactment battle.
Sod that for a game of soldiers.

 

My wife Rose is leaving me because of my obsession with pens.
Bye Rose.

 

My friend just walked out of his job at BMW.
He gave no indication.

 

I had a big fight with my wife.
I knew that she would come crawling to me on her hands and knees.
She said "Come out from under the bed and fight like a man"

 

I met my wife on the net.
We weren't very good trapeze artists.

 

There’s not much food left on the shelves so today I just bought what I could get my hands on, and I’ve tried crab paste for the very first time.
It’s disgusting, and I’m taking it back to the chemist first thing tomorrow to get a refund.

 

That's brilliant.

 

Paddy and Murphy are at the beach when they see a pregnant woman drowning
They pull her to the beach and Paddy starts CPR
Murphy takes off her underwear
And puts his lips on her pussy
Paddy says what the feck are you doing
Murphy says you save the mother
I’ll save the child

 

The wife looks awful today, after what I did last night.
I cleaned my glasses.

 

"Do you remember that row twenty years ago when we sat down and wrote down each others faults?" I said to my wife.
"Oh God yes, I still have mine somewhere, " she said with a giggle.
"I've finished, " I replied.