A baker hires a young female assistant who likes to wear very short skirts and skimpy panties. One day a young man enters the shop, glances at the new girl and at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing her short skirt, and the location of the raisin bread, he says “I’d like some raisin bread, please.” The girl nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread on the very top shelf. The man, standing almost directly beneath her, has an excellent view, just as he thought. When she descends he says that he had better get two loaves, 'cos he is “having company for dinner.” As the girl goes back up for the second loaf, one of the other male customers notices what’s going on and requests his own loaf of raisin bread. After a few trips she is tired and irritated, and begins to wonder “why so much demand for the raisin bread ?” At the top of the ladder one more time, she looks down and glares at the men standing below, and notices an elderly man standing in the queue. Thinking that she can save herself a trip, she says to the elderly man "Is it raisin for you, too ?” “No” stammers the old man, “but it’s quivering a little.”
My girlfriend said to me, "I know you've been cheating on me with that girl from Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch." I said, "How can you say such a thing?"
Sam died and his Will provided $30,000 for an elaborate funeral. As the last guests departed the affair, his wife, Helen, turned to her oldest friend. "Well, I'm sure that Sam would have been pleased," she said. "I'm sure that you're right," replied Jody, who lowered her voice and leaned in close. "How much did it really cost?" "All of it," said Helen. "Thirty thousand." "No!" Jody exclaimed. "I mean, it was very nice, but $30,000?" Helen answered, "The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to the church. The wake, food and drinks were another $500. The rest went to buy the memorial stone." Jody computed quickly. "$22,500 for a memorial stone ? My God, how big is it ?" "Two and a half carats !"
Looking through my window watching my wife carrying heavy bags up the garden path for the 3rd time , I couldn,t help but think. " if she carried more in each hand she would have to make less journeys."
Husband: Call ambulance, fast ! I am having heart attack... Wife ( Took his mobile ) : Quick !Tell me the password ! Husband : It's ok ! I am feeling better now
In a recent online survey, 90% of men admitted to masturbating regularly. The other 10% hit the wrong button with their left hand.
Can you imagine a world where your home smelled like a toilet? A world where you constantly had no money? And in that world, all your belongings were smashed and ruined? Well that world exists. Just have children.