The teacher asked what do you want to be when you grow up Little Johnny said I want to be a billionaire Have a Bitch that I would buy a millionaire house for And give her a farrari Screw her 3-5 a day The teacher was taken aback So she moved on and said to Sussie What would you like to be Sussie replied I want to be Johnnys Bitch
Prositute went to the Doctors, "Congratulations your pregnant, do you know who the father is?" Hooker replies, "If you ate a can of baked beans would you know which one made you fart?"
Be careful, there's a gangster going around Sunderland pulling up the back of peoples pants, "I think his name is Wedgie Kray."
Mary had a little skirt with a slit right up both sides, And everytime that Mary walked you could see her lovely thighs, Mary had another skirt with a slit right up the front, She didn't wear that one as often.........
A little girl goes to the barbers with her dad and stands next to the chair eating a cake while her dad gets his hair cut. The Barber smiles at her and says "You"re gonna get hair on your muffin." "I know" she says, "I"m gonna get tits too"
My wife and I were on the beach when she said, "Let's make love in the sea." "Only if we don't go very deep," I replied, "because I can't swim." A little while later she giggled and asked, "Do you think anybody realises what we're doing?" "Probably," I said, as another wave broke over my ankles.
I came home from work and shouted to my wife, "Honey, I have a massive erection, can you help me out?" When she appeared from the bathroom, dropping her towel and revealing her naked wet body, I said, "Thanks, I've been trying to get that down all day."
The Stockman An old stockman wanders into an Alice Springs pub. As he sits sipping his beer, a young woman sits next to him. She turns to him and asks, " Are you a real stockman?" He replies, "Well, I've spent my entire life in the bush, riding horses, mending fences and herding mobs of cattle, so I guess I am." She says, "I'm a lesbian. I spend all day thinking about women. As soon as I rise in the morning, I think about women. When I shower or watch TV, everything seems to make me think about women." Then she leaves. A few minutes later, a couple sits down next to the old stockman and asks, " Are you a real stockman?" He replies, " I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."
A man walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter and sees that it's filled to the brim with $10 bills. He guesses there must be at least ten thousand dollars in it. He approaches the bartender and asks, "What's with the money in the jar?" "Well..., you pay $10, and if you pass three tests, you get all the money in the jar and the keys to a brand new Lexus" The man certainly isn't going to pass this up, so he asks, "What are the three tests?" "You gotta pay first," says the bartender, "those are the rules." So, after thinking it over a while, the man gives the bartender $10 which he stuffs into the jar. "Okay," says the bartender, "here's what you need to do: First - You have to drink a whole quart of tequila, in 60 seconds or less, and you can't make a face while doing it." "Second - There's a pit bull chained in the back with a bad tooth. You have to remove that tooth with your bare hands." "Third - There's a 90-year old lady upstairs who's never had sex. You have to take care of that problem." The man is stunned! "I know I paid my $10 -- but I'm not an idiot! I won't do it! You'd have to be nuts to drink a quart of tequila and then do all those other things!" "Your call," says the bartender, "but, your money stays where it is." As time goes on, the man has a few more drinks and finally says, "Where's the damn tequila?!" He grabs the bottle with both hands and drinks it as fast as he can. Tears stream down both cheeks -- but he doesn't make a face -- and he drinks it in 58 seconds! Next, he staggers out the back door where he sees the pit bull chained to a pole. Soon, the people inside the bar hear loud growling, screaming, and sounds of a terrible fight -- then nothing but silence! Just when they think that the man surely must be dead, he staggers back into the bar. His clothes are ripped to shreds and he's bleeding from bites and gashes all over his body. He drunkenly says, "Now..., where's that old woman with the bad tooth?”
woman went into a store to buy her husband a pet for his birthday. After looking around, she found that all the pets were very expensive. She told the clerk she wanted to buy a pet, but she didn't want to spend a fortune. 'Well,' said the clerk, 'I have a very large bullfrog. They say it's been trained to give blow jobs!' 'Blow jobs!' the woman replied. 'It hasn't been proven but we've sold 30 of them this month,' he said. The woman thought it would be a great gag gift, and what if it's true... No more blow jobs for her! She bought the frog. When she explained froggy's ability to her husband, he was extremely sceptical and laughed it off!... The woman went to bed happy, thinking she may never need to perform this less than riveting act again. In the middle of the night, she was awakened by the noise of pots and pans flying everywhere, making hellacious banging and crashing sounds. She ran downstairs to the kitchen, only to find her husband and the frog reading cook books. 'What are you two doing at this hour?' she asked. The husband replied, 'If I can teach this frog to cook... you're gone.
A flat-chested young lady went to Dr. Smith about enlarging her tiny bre*sts Dr. Smith advised her, "Every day after your shower rub your chest and say, "Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger bo*bies” She did this faithfully for several months and it worked! She grew terrific D-cup bo*bs One morning she was running late, got on the bus and in a panic realised she had forgotten her morning ritual. Frightened she might lose her lovely bo*bs if she didn"t recite the little rhyme, she stood right there in the middle aisle of the bus closed her eyes and said, "Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger bo*bies” A guy sitting nearby looked at her, "By any chance, are you a patient of Dr. Smith"s?" "Why, yes I am... How did you know?" He leaned closer, winked and whispered, "Hickory Dickory Dock
