C'mon - she she still wants to be good buddies, so it can't be a clash of personalities. I think it's because she keeps catching you on the flip flop
The wife and I haven't been getting on lately so we decided on a make or break holiday to try and put the spark back. Whilst packing she said 'I wouldn't mind being handcuffed' so I slipped some cocaine in her suitcase.
For years as a child I thought my name was Arthur Fu*cksake because that's what my parents said whenever I entered the room
We cleared out my gran's flat this morning, sorted out the good stuff and put it on eBay, and then went to the estate agents to put her flat on the market. She'll be well p*ssed off when she gets back from bingo.
A woman walks into her accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, “Before we begin, I’ll need to ask a few questions.” He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, “What is your occupation?” The woman replies, “I’m a whore.” The accountant balks and says, “No, no, no. That will never work. That is much too crass. Let’s try to rephrase that.” The woman, “Ok, I’m a prostitute.” “No, that is still too crude. Try again.” They both think for a minute, then the woman states, “I’m a chicken farmer.” The accountant asks, “What does chicken farming have to do with being a whore or a prostitute?” “Well, I raised over 5,000 cocks last year.”
The annual premature ejaculation society dinner will be held on Friday night. No dress code- just come in your pants.
A lady walks into Harrods. She looks around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely, she unexpectedly farts. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed her little woopsie and prays that a sales person was not anywhere near. As she turns around, her worst nightmare materialises in the form of a salesman standing right behind her - Good looking as well. Cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the qualities one would expect of a professional in a store like Harrods. He politely greets the lady with, 'Good day, Madam. How may we help you today? Blushing and uncomfortable, but still hoping that the salesman somehow missed her little 'incident', she asks, 'what is the price of this lovely bracelet?' He answers, "Madam - if you farted just looking at it - you're going to s*it yourself when I tell you the price.
Irish newlyweds turn up at their hotel and ask for the honeymoon suite. The receptionist asks "Do you have reservations?" Bride says "Well . . . . .I'm a bit worried about taking it up the arse !!!"
