Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

Lass at the hardware shop in Sea Road just asked me if I wanna Box for my items?.... she looked canny hard, So I told her I'd rather just pay the money.

 

About 20 years ago, I was about to propose to my then girlfriend when - suddenly! - my flatmate Joseph barged into the room.
As I was down on bended knee he ran into the room, tripped over my leg and fell straight into the glass coffee table - head-first - and my romantic gesture was stopped in its tracks.
I didn't really know Joseph that well and can't even remember where he was from but let me say my wedding plans were ruined!
In the fall, Joseph had a shard of glass lodged in his eye and was taken to hospital. Afterwards, he would walk around with one of those cotton pads over his eye and after a couple of months he disappeared, along with my girlfriend. Apparently they had bonded whilst he was recovering and ran off together - without a goodbye or anything. I tried to track them down, however never found them.
Still to this day I think to myself - if it hadn't been for cotton-eye Joe, I'd have been married a long time ago.
Where did you come from, where did you go? Where did you come from, cotton-eye Joe?
(You will probably be singing this now)....

 

Had a check up at the doctor’s this morning and the first thing he asked was, "Do you drink a lot?"
I said, "The occasional pint, doc. Why do you ask?"
He said, "This urine sample's got a head on it."

 

Got up this morning and my Mrs was cooking my breakfast in her slippers , I must save up and get her pan.

 

Was recently on holiday with my missus and she was putting sun cream on.
"Do you mind doing my back?" she asked.
"Let's pretend I'm your butler," I winked. "My name's Dawes."
"Ok!" she giggled, "Would you mind doing my back, Dawes?"
And that's why I'm sleeping in the spare room..