Advice for office managers: Keep the sexual harassment complaint forms in the bottom draw. That way, when she goes to get one you'll get a great view of her arse.
Johnny O’Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here’s to spending the rest of my life, between the legs of me wife!" That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, "Mary, I won the prize for the Best toast of the night." She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" Johnny said, "Here’s to spending the rest of my life, sitting in church beside me wife." "Oh, that is very nice indeed, Johnny!" Mary said. The next day Mary ran into one of Johnny's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "Johnny won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary." She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he’s only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."
Oldie but goodie Sad news: After 7 years of medical training, my good friend has been struck off after one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients and now can no longer work in the job he loves. What a waste of time, training and money. A genuinely nice guy, and a brilliant vet.
