I'm getting Mrs A. some slippers and a dildo for Christmas so that if she doesn't like the slippers she can go and **** herself.
A maid went to a housewife and wanted a higher salary. Why?! ; the housewife asked I have three good reasons – replied the maid. First, I'm better at ironing shirts than you! – Who says that?! – Your husband!! Second, I'm a much better cook than you! – And who says that?!? –Your husband! And third, I am better in bed, having sex! –Oh really? And it's my husband who has said that too!? –No ma'am, that's what the gardener said...! –Oh, well, how much of a salary increase did you envisage…?
Tired of constant blonde jokes, a blonde dyes her hair brown. She then goes for a drive in the country and sees a shepherd herding his sheep across the road. "Hey, shepherd, if I guess how many sheep are here, can I keep one?" The shepherd is puzzled but agrees. She blurts out "352!" He is stunned but keeps his word and allows her to pick a sheep. "I'll take this one," she says proudly. "It's the cutest!" "Hey lady," says the shepherd, "if I guess your real hair colour, can I have my dog back?"
I would like to take this opportunity to share with you all a long joke, so here goes .......... Joooooooooooookkkke
A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus she noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested. The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself. The young man replied, Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn’t help but notice her condition. She sat down under a sign that said, “The Double Mint Twins are coming” and I grinned. Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, “Logan’s Liniment will reduce the swelling”, and I had to smile. Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, “William’s Big Stick Did the Trick”, and I could hardly contain myself. BUT, Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, “Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident”, I just lost it. “CASE DISMISSED!!”
