Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

Looks like Gary Glitter has ordered a take away.

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I bought a new deodorant stick today
The instructions said
Remove wrapper and push up bottom
I can hardly walk but when I fart the room smells lovely

 

Blinkers . . . . I wonder what she was dreaming about

 

All that I said was "Are you growing it for Movember ?"

Some women can be really touchy, can't they

 

Mrs. A. came home early and caught me rolling around bollock naked in sheets of bubble wrap . . . . she went mad and told everyone, and now the whole family are having a pop.

 

Apparently the scorpion that stung Hancock required a tetanus injection.

 

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A woman home alone, answers a knock on the door to a man who just stood there and asked, "Do you have a vagina?"

She slams the door in disgust and tells her husband that night when he got home from work.

The next morning she answers a knock on the door. Its the same man and he asks the same question. "Do you have a vagina?"

Once again she slams the door.

She immediately gets on the phone and rings her husband at work.

He tells her he will take the day off tomorrow just in case the man shows up a third time.

The next morning they hear a knock at the door and both make for the door.

The husband whispers to his wife, "Honey, I’m going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to tell him yes to his question, because I want to a see where he's going with this."

She nods, a yes to her husband and opens the door.

Sure enough the same fellow is standing there. He asks, "Do you have a vagina?"

"Yes I do." says the lady.

The man replies, "Good, would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife's alone and start using yours!"

 

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. He seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.

The case came up in court. The Judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.

The man replied...

"Well your Honour, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat under a sweets sign that said, "The Double Mint Twins are Coming" and I grinned.

Then she moved and sat under a sign that said "Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling", and I had to smile.

Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said "William's Big Stick Did the Trick", and I could hardly contain myself.

BUT, your Honour, when she moved for the fourth time and sat under the sign that said "Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident"..

..I just lost it......."CASE DISMISSED!!

 

I was in Tesco's using the toilet and just as I closed my stall door, a voice from the next stall said, “Hi! How are you?” Embarrassed... I said, “I’m aight!!" The voice said, "So what are you up to?” I said, “Ummm... Just trying to handle a little private business over here!” Then I hear, “Can I come over?” Annoyed... I said “Excuse me?!?!." Then the voice said, “Listen, I will have to call you back, there’s an idiot in the next stall answering all my questions!"