On a train from London to Manchester, an American was berating the Englishman sitting across from him in the compartment. "The trouble with you English is that you are too stuffy. You set yourselves apart too much. You think your stiff upper lip makes you above the rest of us. Look at me... I'm me! I have a little Italian in me, a bit of Greek blood, a little Irish and some Spanish blood. What do you say to that?" The Englishman lowered his newspaper, looks over his glasses and replied "How very sporting of your mother"
Looking back, I can pinpoint the precise moment that my marriage turned sour. We were in bed, kissing and caressing each other, running our hands up and down each others bodies, experiencing wave after wave of pleasure. After what seemed like hours, we brought each other to a shuddering climax and I held her in my arms. She brought her lips close to my ear, to whisper words of love... And that's when my wife walked in.
A man with a Rolls Royce was filling up at a petrol pump in Yorkshire, a miner going past on way to the pit said to him, “How come you can afford one of them?” The man replied “I work for Cunard” The miner said, “A work ****in’ ‘ard too but a can’t afford a ****in’ Roller”.
Hold it firmly in your hand Put it in your mouth Lick it to straighten it If that doesn’t work suck it Now you can put it in the hole Threading a needle is so hard
Remember, back in the day, when your telly didn't work you would bang it a few times ? Just tried it with the dishwasher and now she is pregnant!!..
