I was at local store buying pizza pop tarts and fruit Casher said you must be single Thats right how did you know that She looked at me and said Because your ugly
I was lloking for stand up comedians Found this one from Russia He was making jokes about Putin His jokes were really funny But didnt like his execution
Went to see my dyslexic mate today. I caught him using black shoe polish on his penis. I was confused, I'm sure I told him to turn his clock back.
As I waited to be taken down to start my prison term, I was allowed a final minute with my wife. I said "Listen Jo, prison is a horrible place that changes people for the worse, and when I come out I doubt I'll be the same man you know and love. For that reason, I don't expect you to wait for me, so get on with your life and try and meet someone else who can hopefully be a father to our children. Most of all though, just stay strong and be happy." "Stay strong?" my wife snapped, "You're only doing a week for an unpaid parking ticket, you f*cking b*stard!"
When it's sunny I think 'Beer garden.' When it rains I usually go to the pub for a while. When it's snowing I like to sit in front of the TV with a case of Beer. I'm starting to think I have a problem with the weather.
Three ladies were on a flight when suddenly the captain announced, "Please prepare for a crash landing!" The first lady put on all her jewelry. Surprised by this the other ladies questioned her actions. The first lady said, "Well when they come to rescue us they will see that I am rich and will rescue me first." The second lady not wanting to be left behind, began to take off her top and bra. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned "Well when they come to rescue us, they will see my great tits and will take me first." The third lady who was African, not wanting to be out done took off her pants and panties. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well they always search for the black box first?"
Three Boro fans were talking about the sad state of their local club; The first fan blamed...: "I blame the manager; if we could sign better players, we'd be a great club." The second fan blamed...: "I blame the players; if they made more effort, I'm sure we would score more goals." The third fan blamed...: "I blame my parents; if I had been born in a different town, I'd be supporting a decent team."
