Another owldy (but goody) . . . . THE IRISH PROSTITUTE An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years, and upon her return, her dad cursed her heavily. 'Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mam through?' The girl, crying, replied 'Dad . . . . I became a prostitute.' 'Ye what !? Get out a here, ye shameless harlot ! Sinner ! You're a disgrace to this Catholic family.' 'Okay, Dad . . . . as ye wish. I only came back to give Mam this luxurious fur coat, title deeds to a ten bedroom mansion, and a 5 million euros savings certificate. For me little brother, this gold Rolex, and for ye Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside and membership to the country club (takes a breath) and an invitation for ye all to spend New Year's Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera.' 'What was it ye said ye had become?' says Dad. Girl, crying again, 'A prostitute, Daddy!.' 'Oh, my goodness. Ye scared me half to death, girl ! I thought ye said a Protestant ! Come here and give yer old Dad a hug'
A woman decided to give herself a big treat for her 70th birthday by staying overnight in a really nice hotel.. When she checked out the next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for $250.00. She demanded to know why the charge was so high "I agree it's a nice hotel, but the rooms aren't worth $250..00 for just an overnight stay - I didn't even have breakfast!" The clerk told her that $250.00 is the 'standard rate,' and breakfast had been included had she wanted it. She insisted on speaking to the Manager. The Manager appeared and, forewarned by the desk clerk, announced: "This hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center which are available for use." "But I didn't use them." 'Well, they are here, and you could have." He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which they were so famous."We have the best entertainers from the world over performing here." "But I didn't go to any of those shows.." "Well, we have them, and you could have." No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, she replied, "But I didn't use it!" and the Manager countered with his standard response. After several minutes discussion, and with the Manager still unmoved, she decided to pay, wrote a check and gave it to him. The Manager was surprised when he looked at the check. "But Madam, this check is for only $50.00" "That's correct I charged you $200.00 for sleeping with me." "But I didn't!" "Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have."
I had to see a therapist 'cos I had started to take every single term or phrase literally. He sat there looking inquisitive then said "tell me . . . . as a small boy did your mother ever raise her hand to you ?" I said "let's get one ****ing thing straight . . . . my mother was never a small boy !"
Apparently 1 in five peo;e in the world are Chinese I thought it was my brother Ben or my younger brother ho chon chew But I still suspect Ben
My wifes dog died so I thought would get her an idetical one She went mad What am I going to do with two dead dogs
