Jokes

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All this faffing about with wildlife on the notes, pissing about with puffins and foxes and all that nonsense… cobblers to it. This is how it should really be, you know it makes sense.

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The top 8 things girls should say to men:

1. I'm bored, let's shave me snatch
2. Are you sure you've had plenty to drink?
3. That fart was awesome drop another!
4. Of course I swallow, it's amazing
5. No thats ok you watch porn, I'll toss you off after i've done these dishes.
6. Just for a change stick it up me arse.
7. Are you still shagging that girl at work?
8. Marriage? No fecking way!

Sadly, Carlsberg don't do these girlfriends, but Thailand does!
 
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A friend invited me to a party, and I asked if it was themed and whether I needed fancy dress etc.

He told me that it was a Nirvana party and to just "Come as you are"
 
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