Jokes
- Thread starter ellandback
- Start date
-
Please bear with us on the new site integration and fixing any known bugs over the coming days. If you can not log in please try resetting your password and check your spam box. If you have tried these steps and are still struggling email [email protected] with your username/registered email address
-
7.8K views · 133 reactions | Was sent another advert archive showing Leeds have always been famous ⚪️ #ALAW #ellandroad #lufc #LeedsUnited #MOT #advertising | LUFCadventures
Was sent another advert archive showing Leeds have always been famous ⚪️ #ALAW #ellandroad #lufc #LeedsUnited #MOT #advertising
www.facebook.com
You must log in or register to see images
A man walked out to the street in a downpour and by chance caught a taxi just going by. He got into the taxi, and the cabbie said, "Perfect timing. You're just like Brian."
Passenger: "Who?"
Cabbie: "Brian. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a taxi, things happen like that to Brian, every single time."
Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."
Cabbie: "Not Brian. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won Wimbledon or played football for England or played golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."
Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."
Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Brian, he could do everything right."
Passenger: "Wow. Some guy then."
Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Brian, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Brian."
Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"
Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Brian. He died. I'm married to his bloody widow”
Passenger: "Who?"
Cabbie: "Brian. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a taxi, things happen like that to Brian, every single time."
Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."
Cabbie: "Not Brian. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won Wimbledon or played football for England or played golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."
Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."
Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Brian, he could do everything right."
Passenger: "Wow. Some guy then."
Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Brian, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Brian."
Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"
Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Brian. He died. I'm married to his bloody widow”
A YORKSHIREMAN walks into the dentist and asks how much it will cost to extract a tooth.
"You're looking at £400" the dentist says.
"OW MUCH!!!" the Yorkshireman exclaims in disbelief
"£400 to tek a chuffin tooth 'art! Int there a cheaper way?"
"Well," the dentist says, "If I don't use anaesthetic, I can probably do it for about £250. It'll be really painful though!"
"I'm not bothered about how painful it'll be but that's still too expensive!" replies the Yorkshireman.
"Hmmm," says the dentist, scratching his head. "I could give Leeds Dental hospital a ring and they could probably send a student up to give it a go for some experience. I suppose in that case I could charge you £100."
"Nope," moans the yorkshireman, "it's still too much! I'm not med of money!"
"Okay," says the dentist. "If I simply just rip the tooth out with a pair of pliers, I can do that for 50 quid?"
"Champion!" says the Yorkshireman.....
"Book the wife in for next Tuesday!"
"You're looking at £400" the dentist says.
"OW MUCH!!!" the Yorkshireman exclaims in disbelief
"£400 to tek a chuffin tooth 'art! Int there a cheaper way?"
"Well," the dentist says, "If I don't use anaesthetic, I can probably do it for about £250. It'll be really painful though!"
"I'm not bothered about how painful it'll be but that's still too expensive!" replies the Yorkshireman.
"Hmmm," says the dentist, scratching his head. "I could give Leeds Dental hospital a ring and they could probably send a student up to give it a go for some experience. I suppose in that case I could charge you £100."
"Nope," moans the yorkshireman, "it's still too much! I'm not med of money!"
"Okay," says the dentist. "If I simply just rip the tooth out with a pair of pliers, I can do that for 50 quid?"
"Champion!" says the Yorkshireman.....
"Book the wife in for next Tuesday!"