Jokes
- Thread starter ellandback
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Ok that one has gone totally over my head Rog
Edit - god I'm dim. Sat here thinking why is the 2nd guy saying "three" and why should it be amusing. Worked it out that it's to catch out thick twats like me
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Four older men were playing golf. Three took turns at boasting about their sons, knowing the fourth son was gay, and having disparaging thoughts about him. The first chap says: My son has done extremely well this year. He has made such a pile that he was even able to make a friend a gift of a brand new house!
Wow, say the others.
The next father boasts, Well my boy this year did so well financially that he was able to give a friend a brand new Lamborghini!
Wow, say the others.
The third chap says: As for my son, this year he made so much extra money he was able to take a friend on a round-the-world cruise — they are still away!
Wow, say the others…respect!
The fourth father finally has a turn to speak. The other fathers stifle their laughter.
Well, as you know, my son is gay. And this year he has done so extremely well….one lover gave him a brand new house; another lover gave him a brand new Lamborghini; and the third lover has taken him away on a round-the-world cruise….he's still on it.
Silence.
Wow, say the others.
The next father boasts, Well my boy this year did so well financially that he was able to give a friend a brand new Lamborghini!
Wow, say the others.
The third chap says: As for my son, this year he made so much extra money he was able to take a friend on a round-the-world cruise — they are still away!
Wow, say the others…respect!
The fourth father finally has a turn to speak. The other fathers stifle their laughter.
Well, as you know, my son is gay. And this year he has done so extremely well….one lover gave him a brand new house; another lover gave him a brand new Lamborghini; and the third lover has taken him away on a round-the-world cruise….he's still on it.
Silence.
Coffee can be deadly.
It killed my grandad.
He was run over by a Maxwell House van......it was instant.
It killed my grandad.
He was run over by a Maxwell House van......it was instant.
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A Bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly.
"In this country ... we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives ...
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."
"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly.
"In this country ... we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives ...
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."
Out backpacking in Australia, I got stuck in a small outback town waiting for a bus. So I thought I'd kill time by getting a beer and some grub in the local watering hole. As soon as I walked in, I was greeted by a bunch of questioning faces Then somebody said, "hope you're not a bloody pervert, coz we hate perverts in our town, see!"
I just said, "no, I'm not, I'm just waiting for my bus."
This seemed to calm them, so I ordered a beer and some food and sat quietly in the corner.
As usual, nature called after my meal, so I asked, "where is the toilet?"
The barman said, "the dunny is out the back. And don't make a f*****g mess!"
Well, when I got outside I was stunned to see two huge piles of festering crap. The first one about six foot high, the second about four feet. So, almost gagging, I climbed up the smaller of the two piles and started to curl one out.
No sooner had I started, when one of the guys runs out kicks the s**t out of me and said, "I knew you were a bloody pervert, you dirty bastard, you were in the f*****g ladies!"
I just said, "no, I'm not, I'm just waiting for my bus."
This seemed to calm them, so I ordered a beer and some food and sat quietly in the corner.
As usual, nature called after my meal, so I asked, "where is the toilet?"
The barman said, "the dunny is out the back. And don't make a f*****g mess!"
Well, when I got outside I was stunned to see two huge piles of festering crap. The first one about six foot high, the second about four feet. So, almost gagging, I climbed up the smaller of the two piles and started to curl one out.
No sooner had I started, when one of the guys runs out kicks the s**t out of me and said, "I knew you were a bloody pervert, you dirty bastard, you were in the f*****g ladies!"