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Jokes
- Thread starter ellandback
- Start date
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That moment when you slide the condom on and look at yourself in the mirror with a raging hardon...
Then you tell the chemist "I’ll take it!"
Then you tell the chemist "I’ll take it!"
The doctor put my wife on a new pill and now we have sex every night. It's brilliant...
It doesn't matter which position we are in, nothing wakes her up!
It doesn't matter which position we are in, nothing wakes her up!
A lad stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, 'How long before I can have a haircut ?
The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said 'About 2 hours.' and the lad left.
A few days later, the same lad stuck his head in the door and asked, 'How long before I can have a haircut ?'
The barber looked around at the shop and said 'About 3 hours.' and the lad left.
A week later, the same lad stuck his head in the shop again and asked 'How long before I can have a haircut ?'
The barber looked around the shop and said 'About an hour and a half.' and the lad left again.
The barber turned to his friend and said 'Hey, Bob, he keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but he never comes back. Do me a favour and follow him and see where he goes.'
A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically, and the barber asked 'Where does he go when he leaves here, then ?'
Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said 'Your house'
The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said 'About 2 hours.' and the lad left.
A few days later, the same lad stuck his head in the door and asked, 'How long before I can have a haircut ?'
The barber looked around at the shop and said 'About 3 hours.' and the lad left.
A week later, the same lad stuck his head in the shop again and asked 'How long before I can have a haircut ?'
The barber looked around the shop and said 'About an hour and a half.' and the lad left again.
The barber turned to his friend and said 'Hey, Bob, he keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but he never comes back. Do me a favour and follow him and see where he goes.'
A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically, and the barber asked 'Where does he go when he leaves here, then ?'
Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said 'Your house'
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2020VisionofLeeds
Well-Known Member
I’m fed up being asked at store checkouts if I’d like a bag for life. I’ve had one for 50 years, that’s life in anyone’s book.
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The wife said she wanted sex in the back of the car...but wanted me to drive