Jokes

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Grigori and Ivan are in the queue for bread in Moscow and they'd been waiting for a couple of hours when Ivan said '**** this I'm sick of this ****, I'm off to go kill that Putin ****er' and off he went.
Three hours later Ivan returned to the bread queue.
"How did it go ?" said Grigori, "what happened?"
"Nothing" said Ivan, "the queue for killing Putin was longer than this".
 
last valentine's day the wife was working late so i thought i would make an effort., made a nice meal,opened a bottle of red, lit some candles, ran a hot bath and thought to myself...... the mrs would have loved this
 
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A guy was in a bar about as drunk as it's possible to get. A group of guys noticed his condition and decide to be good Samaritans and
take him home.
First they stood him up to get to his wallet so they could find out where he lives, but he kept falling down. He fell down eight more times on the way to the car, each time with a real thud.
After they got to his house, he fell down another four times on the way to the door.
His wife comes to the door, and one guy says, "We brought your husband home."
The wife asks, "Where's his wheelchair?
 
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