Irishman, Englishman and Scotsman were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off this building." The Englishman opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Ham and English mustard again! If I get ham and mustard one more time, I'm going to jump off, too." The Scotsman opened his lunch and said, "Haggis again. If I get a haggis sandwich one more time I'm jumping too." Next day The Irishman opens his lunch box, sees corned beef and cabbage and jumps to his death. The Englishman opens his lunch, sees ham and English mustard and jumps too. The Scotsman opens his lunch, sees the haggis, and jumps to his death also. At the funeral, The Englishman’s wife is weeping. She says, If I'd known how really tired he was of ham and mustard, I never would have given it to him again! The Scotsman’s wife also weeps and says, "I could have given him cheese! I didn't realise he hated haggis so much." Everyone turned and stared at The Irishman’s wife. "Hey, don't look at me" she said. "He makes his own lunch"
A guy comes home completely drunk one night. He lurches through the door and is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely not happy. "Where the hell have you been all night?" she demands. "At this new bar," he says. "The Golden Saloon. Everything there is golden. It's got huge golden doors, a golden floor and even the urinal's gold!" The wife still doesn't believe his story, and the next day checks the phone book, finding a place across town called the Golden Saloon. She calls up the place Is this the Golden Saloon?” she asks when the bartender answers the phone. “Yes it is,” bartender answers. “Do you have huge golden doors?” “Sure do.” “Do you have golden floors?” Most certainly do.” “What about golden urinals?” There’s a long pause, then the woman hears the bartender yelling, “Hey, Duke, I think I got a lead on the guy that peed in your saxophone last night!”
