I was in a nightclub and a Scouser came up to me. She asked, "Do you like avocado?" I replied, "No, sorry love, I don't drive."
A man goes sky diving for the first time. He was a bit dicky about it but the instructor assured him that by pulling the rip cord the chute would open. "Are you absolutely sure>" he asked for the upmteenth time. "Yes certain sure, and if it doesn't pull the second rip cord and that will open". "Are you sure it will?" "Yes, definitely, no problem." "If you are so sure, why didn't they put that one on first?" So he jumps. Pulls the rip cord, nothing happens. He pulls the second rip cord, nothing! "****, he thinks, this won't end well" Just then he sees another man in the sky, going up. "Hey, mate" he calls, "Do you know anything about parachutes?" "No", the man answered, "Do you know anything about gas ovens?"
