Just been down a street where the houses were numbered 64K, 128K, 256K, 512K & 1MB. That was a trip down memory lane! #FridayFun
Just had a call from a mate in London. He says it's cheaper to have a night on the pi*s in Weatherspoons than to to stay at home with the heating on.
I just got 3 tips off a bookie for Aintree today. Sunshine. 14:25 Moonlight. 15:00 Good Times. 15:35 If they don’t win, don’t blame it on Sunshine, don’t blame it on Moonlight, don’t blame it on Good Times, blame it on the Bookie.
went to the dentist the other day and the assistant turned out to be a girl who used to hang around with our mob, she used to give a great blow job especially after a couple of joints..she was known as oral high jean
got a bird back to mine and i was struggling to remove her underwear, when she said "you haven't removed many bra's have you".....i said "what's giving you that impression"....she said "the scissors, mainly"
An Irishman was walking home late at night and sees a woman lurking in the shadows. "Twenty Euros,” she whispers" Paddy had never had a hooker before, but decides -- what the hell, it's only twenty Euros. He takes up her offer and they hide in the bushes..!... They're going at it for a couple of minutes, when, all of a sudden, a light flashes on them; it’s a police officer..! "What's going on here, people?" asks the officer, "I'm making love to me wife", the Irishman answers sounding annoyed...! "Oh, I'm so sorry," says the cop, "I didn't know!" "Well, neither did I", said Paddy, "til ya shined dat feckin light in her face!!!”
For many years people have named their children after expensive items like, for example, Mercedes, Ruby, Pearl, but times they are a'changing, look out for new names like Petrol, Gas and Food.
A woman goes into Discount Fishing Supplies to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get, so she just picks one and goes over to the counter. The salesman is standing there, wearing dark shades. She says "Excuse me. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel ?" He says "Madam, I'm completely blind, but if you'll drop it on the counter, I'll be able to tell you everything that you need to know about it from the sound that it makes." She doesn't believe him, but drops it on the counter anyway. He says "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10lb test line. It's a good all around combination, and it's £44." She says "That's amazing that you can tell all of that just by the sound of it dropping onto the counter. I'll take it" As she opens her purse, her credit card drops to the floor. "Oh, that sounds like a Visa card" he says. As the lady bends down to pick up the card, she accidentally farts. At first she's really embarrassed, but then realises that there will be no way that the blind salesman would be able to tell who had farted. The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be £58.50 please." The woman is totally confused by this and asks "You just told me that it was £44. How did you get £58.50 ?" "The Duck Caller is £11, and the Fish Bait is £3.50.
I've just found out im transphobic i don't want to sleep with a lady who has a penis, and neither do thousands of males
