Paddy was walking through a town one day when he saw a shop with a notice in the window. The notice said "We sell everything". Paddy could not believe this so he went inside. He walked to the counter and asked the salesperson, "Do you really sell everything?" The salesperson said "Yes, everything". Thinking this was too good to be true Paddy said "OK then could I have a jumper for a chicken?". The salesperson said "A jumper for a chicken?, hold on I will have to check the stock out the back". Five minutes later, the salesperson returned with a brown paper bag. "Here you go, one jumper for a chicken" "How much?" asked Paddy. "Three quid." replied the salesperson. "Three quid for a jumper for a chicken - excellent." said Paddy. So away he went as happy as larry. When he got outside he thought to himself that maybe he was done, so he looked inside the bag. At the bottom of the bag was a condom. He was mad and stormed back into the shop. He screamed at the sales person "Hey, I asked you for a jumper for a chicken and you have given me a condom - what's going on?" The salesperson replied, "Sorry mate, I checked in the back and we seem to be all out of jumpers for chickens, all we had was a pullover for a cock."
A young male virgin, a shy college freshman, was lucky enough to have a roommate who was considerably more experienced with the opposite sex. When the bashful boy broke down and explained his predicament, his roommate offered to set him up with the campus floozy. "Just take her out to dinner and a show, and then let nature take its course" he explained. "This girl really knows how to go from there". The roommate arranged the date as promised, and the freshman took the co-ed out for a delightful evening of dining and dancing. On the way home, he parked his car in a dark lane, broke out in shakes and a cold sweat and blurted out: "God, I sure would like to have a little pussy". "I would, too" the girl sighed. "Mine's the size of a bucket!"
After the birth of my daughter, I pulled the Midwife aside and said to her, "Once my wife is out of hospital, when do you think we'll be able to have sex?" She replied: "Well, I'm usually off at eight meet me next Tuesday in the car park"
Strange how a rock guitarist gets to play in front of thousands playing just three chords while a jazz one the opposite
To celebrate the start of the six nations. Two 90 year old Welshmen, Dai and Ianto, have been friends all of their lives. When it's clear that Dai is dying, Ianto visits him every day. One day Ianto says, "Dai, we have both loved rugby all our lives, and we played rugby on Saturdays together for so many years. Please do me one favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's rugby there." Dai looks up at Ianto from his death bed, "Butty boy, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favour for you." Shortly after that, Dai passes on. At midnight a couple of nights later, Ianto is awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, "Ianto -- Ianto." "Who is it?" asks Ianto sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?" "Ianto--it's me, Dai." "You're not Dai, he just died." "I'm telling you, it is me," insists the voice. "Dai mun! Where are you?" "In heaven," replies Dai. "I have some really good news and a little bad news." "Tell me the good news first" says Ianto. Dai replies. "The good news is that there IS rugby in heaven. Better yet, all of our old friends who died before us are here, too. Better even than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always spring time and it never rains or snows. And, best of all, we can play rugby all we want, and we never get tired." "That's fantastic," says Ianto. "It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what's the bad news?" "You're in the team for this Saturday."
last christmas got a part time job as father christmas in a dept store, into the grotto came a girl and i said "wow you're tall" she replied "i'm seventeen is that o.k" i said "of course christmas is for everyone,not just youngsters what do you wish for" she replied "well i would like to get some fanny hair"....i replied "do you mind if they are white"
